Falling Stars
by TwilightMomofTwo
Summary: After Rosalie's phone call, Edward is nearly incapacitated by his pain and foolishly and irrationally sets in motion a series of events, culminating in a desperate fight for Bella's life and his own. Final seven chapters of New Moon in EPOV.
1. Grief

**Author's Note: **

This is my take on Edward's version of the some of the events that take place in Stephenie Meyer's _New Moon._ It is a retelling of large portions of the book, albeit from Edward's POV. All dialogue and conversations from New Moon for which both Edward and Bella are present, have been faithfully incorporated exactly the way they appear in Stephenie's brilliant work of fiction.

As I wrote, I leaned on scenes and emotions depicted in Twilight, New Moon and Midnight Sun (the 12 chapter Stephenie published on her website. Yes, I read them.), as well as outtakes and extras she has posted on her site in my attempt to understand what is going on in that boy's head. Anything in my story that appears as such in either novel, or on items posted on her website, are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer.

This very first chapter is called GRIEF. It begins after Rosalie's fateful phone call, and Edward's call to Bella's house, confirming (or so he thinks) that Bella is dead. I tried to convey Edward's state of mind after that call. His immediate actions following that call, his irrational behaviour, are colored by the unbearable grief he is experiencing. He has never experienced this kind of pain. The girl he loves, his soulmate, is dead. Edward is absolutely devastated. As depicted by Stephenie in New Moon, he already has a contingency plan in place. He will go to Italy and do something that will provoke the Volturi into killing him.

Please, let's all be clear on this: **All rights to the Twilight series, the books, the characters are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.** I have nothing but the utmost respect for this brilliant writer, whose amazing stories have completely and irrevocably sucked me into the Twilight Universe.

Comments and reviews are welcome and appreciated. Further chapters may follow. Thank you for your interest.

**1. Grief**

The extraordinary force of the sudden pain stunned me. It was all-consuming. Unbearable grief and despair expanded through my frozen stone body and threatened to completely overwhelm my mind. No. Oh no. Oh, please, no! This could not be true. Bella was dead. _Bella _was _dead_. My breathing turned into ragged gasps. No. _No. _NO!! Please, no, oh no!

A small part of my mind registered the cell phone hitting the attic floor. I started to shake uncontrollably. Screaming reached my ear.

Had someone discovered me? I quickly searched around for any thoughts that pertained to me. Nothing. It took me a moment to realize that I was the one screaming. Agony. Such unbelievable agony. I clenched my jaw and shut off the sound coming from my lips.

Bella – my love, my reason for existing, was dead. My mind refused to believe the truth of what of what I had just heard. This couldn't be true. What had led Bella to kill herself? What had _happened_ to her that would lead her to throw herself off a cliff? She had promised me to take care of herself, to do nothing reckless, nothing stupid. She had _promised._

It had been over six months since I left her, since I left behind the only sanctuary of my hideous half-life. The biggest self-sacrifice I had ever made.

"_I can deal with the pain. Bella deserves better_", I had convinced myself. Life would be safe for Bella if I removed myself from her world.

Besides, I was convinced that my love for her was so much stronger than her love for me. After all, my feelings for her had built up for almost a century. A century of waiting for _her. _I had thought that if I left, she would soon be happy again. I had hoped that if I could convince her that _I_ had moved on, so would she, finding happiness in her human world. She _should _be happy. She _deserved_ happiness, free from the constant risk, from the ever-present danger of my world.

As I tried to wrap my head around the truth of Rosalie's news, I returned to the afternoon in the woods behind her father's house. The day I had forced myself to tell her I didn't love her anymore. To tell her that I didn't want her to come with me. That she wasn't good for me. Lies, nothing but desperate lies.

But I _had_ to do it, I knew that, because nothing mattered more than that _she _have a chance at a normal, happy life. A life in which vampires didn't exist. It had felt like it would surely kill me to do it, but what choice did I have? I couldn't condemn her to share this half-life of mine, become one of the eternally damned. I couldn't destroy her soul.

And now she was dead. Had she not moved on, like I thought she would? Had my assessment of her feelings, my assumptions been incorrect?

I considered that. I knew human nature. Their minds, their feelings changed all the time. Nothing I had ever heard in any of their thoughts had given me any inclination to believe differently. Humans were predictable.

With the exception of Bella. She never did what I expected. I definitely hadn't expected this...for her to take her own life.

Of course, I had never been able to _hear_ Bella's mind, but how different could her feelings be from the rest of the human race?

My mind was spinning in circles. I couldn't make sense of what had happened.

My eyes closed, and her smiling face appeared again in my mind's eye. Every second I had spent away from her in the last six months, I had seen her face behind my lids.

It was pure torture now. My leaving her _hadn't_ given her the peace she deserved. My leaving her _hadn't_ forced her back on the path I had envisioned for her – a long, happy, _human_ life, without any interference from me, or my family.

I cursed my wretched existence. My being a repulsive monster, destined to love her forever, and destined to live without her. She hadn't been happy, it seemed. Could it be true, then? Could Bella have loved me more than I had thought, more than I had even considered? Had I made a horrendous mistake in judgment?

I was shaking again. Possible, I decided. Definitely possible. That her feelings for me ran deeper, were stronger that those of a normal human. That she had loved me as much as I loved her. That she had been so devastated by my absence, she had chosen to end her own life.

I choked down another scream. What had I _done_?

She had been too good for me. I had always known that, though I hadn't been strong enough to stay away from her. But the grim episode with Jasper on her birthday, my worst fears realized, had finally given me the strength to leave her. I had not deserved her. She was too good for me, too good for the despicable monster I was. I deserved her even less now. My head was spinning.

Bella was dead. It was my fault.

Accepting this truth was creating a whole new depth to the anguish I was already experiencing.

I knew already what I was going to do now. I never had planned on outliving her for long.

I had to get moving. I had to get myself to Italy. I needed this unbearable torture, this excruciating pain to end. I needed to stop this unimaginable agony. Bella was dead.

I slowly got up, mindlessly grabbing the phone off the floor, and crawled out of the open roof top window out onto the roof. Portuguese words floated up to me. It was dark outside. Lights shimmered in the streets below. I looked around, oddly disoriented for a moment. Where _was_ I? Oh right. Rio. That was convenient. There was an airport nearby.

Complete and utter despair clawed at the hole in my chest, my silent heart no longer in place. I had left it behind the day I said goodbye to Bella. I had promised her a life free of reminders, but I hadn't been able to help myself. As I had put the pictures and the CD under the floorboards in her room, my long-frozen heart had stayed there as well. Leaving only a gaping, ragged hole where it used to be. Hollow.

I jumped off the roof and hit the ground running. I needed to get to the airport.

I noticed the phone in my hand. Well, I didn't need that anymore now. I flipped it into a nearby trash can and kept running.

Briefly, I thought of my family. I hadn't spoken to Carlisle or Esme in a few weeks. There was nothing to say. Without Bella, misery had been my life, day after day. Ever since that day in the woods, when I had spoken the words I now wished I could take back. If only I hadn't left her. If only I wasn't such a sickening, disgusting monster.

I thought back to her last birthday. To the split second when she had cut open her finger on the wrapping paper, the small drop of blood, to the immediate and blind need in Jasper's mind. All I could do was react faster than he could get to her, to push her out of Jasper's grasp, to keep him away from her. I had saved her from certain death, but injured her nonetheless. It had been that catalyst for my decision. I had realized in that moment that I could not, _would_ not expose her to the constant danger any longer. Could no longer allow that she risked her life every minute she spent with me.

While Carlisle had tended to Bella's injuries, a plan had begun to form in my mind.

Afterwards, I had taken Bella home and spent the night in her room. We had opened the remaining presents. We had argued. Bella saw that I was upset, but didn't understand _why_ I was wallowing. She said it was no big deal. I was seething at that. _Of course_ it was a big deal. It was a _huge_ deal. It had changed my entire perspective, and had been an explicit reminder that she was human and I was... not.

I kept my face as smooth as I could, wrestling with the feelings of guilt and pain inside me.

Eventually, Bella had fallen asleep. I had stayed with her that night, the last night I was to spend in her room, all the while thinking about right and wrong, hammering out the details of what I knew I had to do. The selfish part of me didn't want to leave. As I watched her sleep next to me, I gently, carefully stroked her face, committing to memory the texture of it, feeling the warmth she always radiated. I was steeling myself for what I knew would come. Pain. Misery. Anguish. I hadn't quite figured out yet how I would be able to let her go, but I also knew I had to. Of course, leaving her didn't mean I would stop loving her. The love I felt for the sleeping girl beside me, her arm wrapped in gauze, for an injury I had caused, was permanent and irrevocable. Nothing would ever cause me to stop loving her. Not even my own death.

Despair had spread through me. How was I going to do this? Perhaps, there was another way... No. There wasn't. She had a right to a happy, human life.

In the morning, after I left Bella's room to get ready for school, I had laid out my intentions to my family.

"We are leaving", I had told them. "I can't do this anymore. It will be better for Bella if I take myself, and all of you, out of her world."

"Edward, are you sure you want to do this?", Carlisle had asked me with a worried face. "I know what happened is not her fault, but is leaving really necessary?"

"Yes, it is", I had replied. "What happened last night has convinced me that our life is not for her. If we leave, she will move on with her life. Fall in love again. Stay human.

"I know what you believe, Carlisle, but you know I am not sure you're right. I cannot doom her soul, I cannot take her life away like that. I can't." I almost sobbed the words.

Esme's face was drawn. "_But what will _you_ do, Edward, without Bella? She is your whole life._"

She was, but I would live without her. Bella was more important than my selfish needs.

Jasper was upset. He hated feeling so weak. "_I'm sorry, Edward. I'm sorry I lost it last night. I'm sorry. I will keep a distance if you think that'll help_."

"Edward, you are completely overreacting.", Alice said contemptuously. "Besides, what is the point of leaving? You won't be able to stay away from her for long anyway. You _need_ her. You know that."

"Yes, I will", I had snarled at her. "I will, for _her_". I had to – didn't Alice understand that? Bella was too good for me. I _owed_ it to her. She deserved a long, happy life. Even if that meant _my_ life would become an endless ocean of pain. I loved her, so I had to leave her.

"_Oh, really?_"Alice had shouted at me in her head. "_Your efforts are doomed, Edward. You will fold eventually. You won't be able to take the pain. You're wrong on another point, too. I don't think Bella will forget you. I don't think that leaving her will change anything. See what I see, Edward._"

I had ignored her. She was wrong. She had to be.

"I have to get to school. We can talk more about it later, if you wish, but I won't change my mind.

"Also, Alice – I would prefer if you didn't come to school today. Stay here with Jasper."

"Please, Edward, at least let me say goodbye." Alice pleaded with me.

"_Don't do this to me. You know I love her, too. Please, Edward?_"

I shook my head. "No. We're doing this my way."

After school, we had finalized our departure plans. My family had spent the morning packing what they would take with them. Carlisle had phoned Tanya's family. They had made arrangements to stay in Denali for a little while.

"Please, I am asking for your promise that you will leave Bella alone. Alice, you especially. Don't be looking for her future, either. Don't interfere with her life. Promise me. Swear it". I had looked at all of them, finally glaring at Alice. "Don't check on her, Alice," I warned her again.

She had nodded grudgingly. "Fine, then. I promise I will stay away from Bella as long as _you _do."

"_It won't be for long_", she had thought. "_You won't be able to stand it. You'll come back. You'll miss her too much. You'll see..._"

Carlisle had met my eyes with concern and sadness. "_I am so sorry for your suffering, Edward. You don't deserve this, but I understand your decision."_, he'd thought. "_Don't worry about us, I'll make sure we will all follow your lead. How I wish there was another way..._"

I had known there wasn't. As did he.

"Thank you. I will stay behind for a few days to say good-bye. I will meet you afterwards."

I had gone up to my room to get ready, preparing myself mentally for what had to come. Life without Bella. I didn't need anything but the one thing I wouldn't be able to take with me. Love and happiness was forever out of my grasp.

The flashing lights of the airport runways brought me back to the present. Reaching the terminal, I slowed and entered through a set of double doors. International departures was on the 2nd floor. I walked up to the counter and purchased a one-way ticket to Rome, though that would not be my final destination. However, there were no flights going into Volterra. There was no airport in the city the Volturi had held for a few millennia.

On the plane, all my thoughts revolved around Bella, and I shook my head curtly at the flight attendants when they offered me a drink. My facial expressions were such that they stayed away from me after that. I closed my mind to their thoughts. After we were in the air, I kept my eyes shut, pretending to sleep, and wished for the millionth time that I could dream. I wanted to dream of Bella. I wanted to dream of my time with her, a time that was forever in the past.

My mind remembered every minute of our time together, from the first moment I met her in that classroom full of children. The sweetest blood I had ever smelled. The flash burn that had flamed down my throat. Struggling to resist the urge to kill her right there. The monster inside me, fighting my conscience, thinking of all the different ways to get what it wanted. I would have welcomed the burn now. It would mean she was still alive. I shuddered. What I wouldn't give to see her once more.

I thought of the first night I had spent in her room. Inexplicable yearning to see her face had put me outside her window. Raging curiosity had made me enter her room. Bella talked in her sleep.

I had fought hard against the inevitable. Falling in love with her. Alice had been right. I was _not_ strong enough. Then, while I watched Bella sleep, she had sighed my name in her dreams. The feelings that washed over me then were unrecognizable. They had pulled me under, and when I finally resurfaced, I was forever altered. It was staggering. Love for the sleeping girl in front of me had settled into every cell in my frozen body.

I had realized that night, that despite my plans to the contrary, despite fighting against it as obstinately as I might, I loved this fragile, human girl, loved her desperately.

The drive home from Port Angeles when it became apparent that she knew the truth about me. My fears that she would hate me. Fears that weren't realized. Our afternoon in the meadow, when I had hesitantly swallowed all my fears and let her see me the way I truly was. When I had found out that I _was _strong enough not to kill her. My utter elation when I realized she loved me too. My immediate hate for myself following that realization. What would this cost her?

The excitement of first love. The contradicting feelings of the thirst for her blood and the hunger for her kisses, a hunger that was so unfamiliar to me. Our first kiss, when I found out that I _was_ strong enough to be that close to her.

Seeing her beautiful face behind my closed lids, her sweet blush, her mouth... – I would never be able to kiss her again, nevermore feel her warm lips on mine. Guilt and despair washed through me again. She was gone.

I wanted, no, _needed_, to have my life end as well. There must be oblivion, an end to this never-ending pain. I would do whatever it took to reach this goal. I didn't want to live in a world where she didn't exist. I couldn't. I wouldn't. My grief overtook me again. I wanted to cry. Just once. To be able to shed a tear for the love I had lost.

I considered my options. What could I do to provoke a reaction from the Volturi?

A killing spree through the city. They would certainly take me down if I started murdering the humans that lived in oblivious proximity to the vampires they no longer believed existed.

No. I thought of Bella. Killing humans was not the answer. I did not want to be a monster, not even now.

Attack the Volturi guard. Unprovoked. They'd be all over me in a split second, ripping my body to pieces. I grimaced.

Yes, definitely possible.

Death had to come, one way or another. I would find a way...

Perhaps, I could just ask. Ask them to kill me. Ask to die.

I settled on this latest idea as my first plan of action.

When the plane arrived in Rome, it was early in the evening. In the dark airport parking lot, I quietly stole a car, and began the final leg of my journey to the oblivion I was so desperately after.

I truly hated myself. It was my fault that Bella was dead. I never was able to do anything right by her. I should have left after the accident when she was almost crushed to death in front of me. Weakness and selfishness had kept me in Forks. She was so fascinating, intriguing, the hidden processes of her silent mind simply baffling. So many secret thoughts in her beautiful head that now I would never know. Pain shot through me again. If only I hadn't... – but that path was closed to me now. There was no point in thinking of what might have been.

Bella was dead. What had I _done? _

Oblivion – that was the only thing that would save me now. My body burned to ash, even though I knew that in itself was no guarantee. Would I still exist in some form or other? Carlisle seemed to think so. Well, even if there was another plane of existence for me after the Volturi were finished with me, I hoped it would only be what I deserved. I deserved to die and burn in hell forever for causing Bella's death. I drove faster, speeding through the dark landscape, to sooner end my journey.

It was early evening when I drove up the winding streets towards Volterra. I abandoned the car outside the city gates, and made my way to the Volturi castle.

Again and again, the crippling agony and utter despair threatened to overwhelm me. The pain was unbearable. There was no escape for me but the one I would ask the Volturi for.

Inside Volterra, I made my way silently through the narrow streets and quickly arrived at the ancient stone building. I looked up at the silent walls of the Volturi realm. The ruling class. Royalty. The keepers of the secret. Humans were not allowed to know that vampires existed, and the Volturi routinely wiped out any threat of exposure. Which was why I had come here.

I thought of my family for a moment. Alice would have seen my decision, of course. But Alice was still in Forks, I supposed, comforting Charlie after Bella's death... He must be devastated.

Would my family follow me to Italy and try to stop me, try to prevent my death? That was plausible. I would have to act quickly, before they could get here, then. I didn't want Emmett and Jasper here. If the Volturi agreed to do what I asked, there would be a fight if my brothers were around when it happened. I didn't want their death on my conscience too. I hoped that Carlisle would prevent them from coming after me. He knew that I knew that sneaking up on me was impossible. If I heard them anywhere close, I would just act that much faster. They wouldn't be able to stop me.

I was too consumed with pain and guilt to linger for long on that train of thought.

It was time to find out if the Volturi were going to be amenable to giving me what I wanted. I doubted they had ever dealt with a request like mine. "_Obviously, there aren't a lot of suicidal vampires_", I grimly thought to myself.

I entered the Volturi's castle through the main doors at the street level, and found myself in a lobby, with elevators to my left. I quickly stepped into one of the elevators and pressed the button for the 2nd floor reception. The elevator ride was short, and I ended up in a tastefully decorated, wide open space. A human woman stood at a counter-high desk in the middle of the room. A human? I wondered briefly what a human would be doing here. Was this part of the Volturi charade?

"_Hello_,_ gorgeous_", her mind shouted at me. "_Hush, Gianna_," she scolded herself, "_keep it professional._" I suppressed a grimace. How silly most humans were.

"Good evening. How may I help you?" she asked me.

"Good evening," I responded politely. "My name is Edward Cullen. I would like to speak with Aro, if possible."

"Just a moment, please," the woman informed me, while she pressed a button on her desk. A deep voice came through the speaker. "Yes?"

"I have a Mr. Edward Cullen here to see Aro."

"Just a moment," the voice answered. A second later, a door opened at the end of the room, and a large vampire entered the room. He was covered in a dark gray cloak, thus identifying him as one of the Volturi guard. Gianna was not surprised. She knew exactly what was going on. She had recognized me for what I was, and she was perfectly aware of the fact that she was working for vampires. She hoped that they would make her one of them. Ridiculous! I paid no further attention to her.

"_Hmm,_" the approaching vampire thought. "_He doesn't look well . He almost looks like he's in pain. I _

"Welcome to Volterra," he said. "I am Demetri." He shook my hand. "The Masters are looking forward to meeting you. Please follow me."

I turned my focus to how I would present my request to the Volturi.

Carlisle had spent a few decades with them long ago. Aro was fond of him. That would perhaps complicate things.

I followed Demetri quietly. He led me down a corridor to another set of elevators, took us to the 3rd floor, and proceeded down another hallway. Halfway down, he removed a wooden panel, and revealed a hidden door. He held it open for me, as I ducked through. We ended up in a large stone room.

They were waiting for me. Aro, Marcus and Caius.

Some of the guard were scattered throughout the room. Two small immortals stood off to the side, holding hands. Jane and Alec. The jewels in Aro's collection.

"Welcome to Volterra, friend Edward", Aro addressed me. "How very delightful to meet you."

He motioned to his left and right. "Allow me to introduce my brothers, Marcus and Caius."

I nodded towards them.

"What can we do for you?"

"Thank you for seeing me," I responded. I was beginning to feel a little impatient – I just wanted to get this whole thing over with.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you all," I kept up the polite conversation. "Carlisle has told me much about you, and his time here. I have heard the stories many times."

"_My old friend Carlisle? Why, this is wonderful! I had so hoped to find out if he ever found anyone to share his peculiar vision and his unorthodox lifestyle."_

"You know Carlisle?", Aro asked me, his tone almost joyful. "Yes", I replied, struggling to keep my voice polite. "I have been living with him for almost a century. However, I'm not here at Carlisle's request. I came here to I ask a favor of you."

"_A favor? This should be interesting_," Aro thought.

Long ago, Carlisle had told me the stories of his time in Italy. He had lived with the Volturi for a few decades. They were very refined, genteel, but scoffed at his choice of what they considered to be an unnatural food source, trying to convince him to convert to their lifestyle. Eventually, Carlisle had left. Two of the ancients, Aro and Marcus, also had special talents.

I didn't say anything.

Aro was determined to fill the silence with further small talk. "Have you perhaps met Jane and Alec?" he asked, gesturing to the two smallish figures hovering nearby.

I understood the respect and deference for Jane and Alec that I heard around me. They both had formidable offensive gifts. Senior members of the guard, they were held in high regard, and usually led the punishing expeditions. The ancients didn't often leave Volterra. But Jane was also cruel with her gift, and enjoyed inflicting pain on others.

"No, I don't believe I have," I said, still clinging to civility. I nodded towards them. "I am pleased to meet you both."

"Well, young Edward – what is the favor you came to ask of us?", Aro returned to the reason for my presence.

I decided quickly to be direct. "Kill me, please," I said, looking straight at him. "I want to die."

He recoiled slightly; my request had offended him.

"Die?", he asked in a shocked voice. "But – _why_?"

Aro extended his hand towards me. I hesitated. I had hoped to avoid physical contact, but there was no way around it.

Aro didn't hesitate. He took my hand in his and his shoulders bowed slightly in the onslaught of information from my head. I stood there, perfectly motionless. Now that he had made a physical connection, Aro was able to read my thoughts. He saw all my thoughts – everything my mind had _ever _thought, and everything I had ever heard in the thoughts of everyone around me. That was his talent. A powerful gift, much grander than mine.

Aro flipped through the memories of my life with Carlisle and my family. He saw Esme, Alice and her unique gift, her extraordinary visions, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett.

He saw Bella in my memories. Every single thought I ever had about Bella, my struggles against the temptation of her blood, my love for her, our kisses, the sanctuary of her room where I held her every night, watched her sleeping in my arms. He saw me leaving her that day in the woods, saw the absolute misery that had been my life for the past six months, saw Rosalie's call revealing Bella's death, and the confirmation of that revelation when I had called Bella's house. He saw the hopelessness, the guilt and the anguish I had lived through in the last 24 hours, and he saw _why_ I had asked to die.

In return, I heard his responses to everything he took from me. Sudden thirst when he saw how strongly Bella's blood had appealed to the monster inside me, joy when he saw my memories of Carlisle, disbelief that Carlisle had found others who shared his vision, of the lifestyle he had created for himself. Envy at the size of my family, desire to root out the competition. Aro's thoughts turned to greed when he saw my talent, when he took my memories of Alice.

He couldn't understand the love I felt for Bella. He had never experienced or seen anything like it. In his view, humans were not objects of love and devotion, they were a food source. He shook his head slightly.

He would not give me what I so desperately wanted. His mind was already made up. I pulled back my hand.

Aro looked at me. "Your request is highly unusual, young Edward. I don't believe anyone has ever asked this of us. We will have to think on it. If you would please excuse us, I'd like to confer with my brothers for a moment."

I nodded. Aro, Marcus and Caius disappeared through a door in the far corner. I stood motionless, rooted to the floor, listening.

Aro quickly shared what he had taken from me. He was intrigued by my talent, and thought that I would make an excellent addition to their guard. Caius agreed, though not for the same reason. Marcus didn't care either way. Nothing held much interest for him. After a short discussion, the decision was made to deny my request and offer me a place among the guard instead.

They returned to the room. "We all are terribly sorry for your tragic loss, young friend, but we cannot grant you this wish", Aro said, an indulgent smile on his lips.

I lost my grip on civility. "Why not? Why won't you? Why do you care if I live or die?", I demanded angrily, glaring at him.

"I'm afraid it would be offensive to our friend Carlisle", Aro explained, pulling his features into a look of concern. Despair was raging in my chest. "Just kill me. Please!", I spit the words through my teeth. "I'm begging you. I want to DIE!", I shouted the last word at him. Eternal eyes stared at me in disbelief. The guard moved closer, ready to protect the ancients from attack if I but made a hint of a move towards them.

"I am sorry, Edward", Aro continued, smiling wistfully. "It would be wasteful to end your life, such a terrible pity to lose your impressive talent. Are you certain this is what you want? Perhaps there is a possibility for a happy ending?"

My breath escaped in a low hiss. "No, Aro. There is not", I replied, hanging my head in defeat.

"All may not be as it seems, young friend. Don't despair. Perhaps... - would you consider joining our little company instead?" he said and waved his arm around the room. "You'd never have to think of the human girl again. I can assure you - you'd find working with us very distracting." He smiled at me indulgently. Clearly, he did not understand that nothing would ever make me stop loving Bella. Only my death would do that. Possibly not even that.

Abruptly, I was furious. "You must be _joking_", I exploded at him. "I came here, asking to die, and you feel that offering me a place amongst your guard would _cure _me of that desire? I don't think so!

"I don't want to _join_ you,"I growled the words. "I want to _die_. What does it even matter to you if I exist or not?"

"Of course, it matters, young friend", Aro said in a consoling voice. He was disturbed by my explosive words. I unclenched my teeth. "_There are other ways_," I thought.

I tried to regain control over myself. Aro observed my internal struggles with curious eyes. He had seen my determination.

"I appreciate the offer", I forced the words out. I looked at the trio of ancient vampires in front of me. The guard was watching me carefully.

"But I don't think so. Thank you for considering my request." I started to turn away from them. I was certain they would let me leave. Aro's desire to _own_ me had assured me of that, at least. He would do nothing to end my life unless he absolutely had to, in order to protect the secret of our existence. He could afford patience, hoping I would change my mind.

I inclined my head towards him. "Perhaps we will meet again."

"I am sorry to hear your decision, young friend.", Aro smiled at me. His thoughts were looking ahead. "_He will try to force our hand. It's a pity, really. I don't want to destroy him..._"

Marcus and Caius were already leaving the room, no longer interested. Aro continued to look at me with regret.

"Goodbye for now, Edward. It was our pleasure meeting you. One day, perhaps, you will find that we made the right decision." With one last look at me, he swiftly turned and drifted away after his brothers. Some of the guard moved with him, some of them staying, still staring at me incredulously.

I ducked out of the room the way I had come. Demetri hurried after me, following me through the corridors, down the elevators to the first floor. At the door to the street, he touched my shoulder. I shrugged him off.

"_What a fool_",he mused to himself. "Goodbye now, Edward", he said.

Without a word, I turned away, walking up the street towards the city center. I had known that asking the Volturi would be a long shot, but there were other options open to me. Which should I choose? Which one of my plans would guarantee me a reaction from the Volturi? I walked aimlessly for over an hour, considering the different ways I could force their hand.

Volterra was entirely in the hands of the Volturi. The ancient vampires and their wives usually never left the city, and hunting inside Volterra was strictly forbidden. Their food source was routinely brought in from the outside, often from quite far away. It kept the guard occupied.

I made my decision. I would go hunting. In Volterra. That ought to do it.

I thought about what it would feel like when they killed me, but I was certain that nothing, not even burning to ash, could be any worse than the agony I had been living with since I left Bella, and the utter despair and all-consuming grief that had been my constant companion ever since Rosalie's news.

I shook my head slowly. No! What was I thinking? I could not hunt a human. I would not become a killer again. Bella would never forgive me for that, and I would deserve her even less. But Bella was dead, gone from me forever, and I was going to hell anyway. What did it matter if I killed a human now? The Volturi would take me down. My pain would end.

Yes. I would go hunting.

I silently scaled up the stone walls and drifted across the rooftops. The humans in Volterra were sleeping, for the most part. Their disjointed dreams drifted around me as I searched for an unfortunate victim. Any human would do. Other creatures, animals, were also hunting. As soon as they could smell me, their bodies stiffened in fear, and disappeared as quickly as they could. I sensed a small contingent of the guard around me. Good. They were following.

"_Best make haste, I'm already running late. So much to do this morning._" There was a human now, hurrying up the street. I momentarily felt sorry for this innocent, who would lose his life so I that could end mine. The moment passed. I let my instincts take over.

He was only a few hundred feet away. A distance I could span in seconds. I silently jumped off the roof. The guard stayed close behind me. I crouched, ready to attack. The human was still headed my way. Coming closer. Almost there...No. No! Carlisle's gentle face appeared before my eyes. Carlisle, who had been my father for so long. I didn't want to disappoint him this way.

But I was determined to achieve my goal. It wasn't like I hadn't killed before. During those few years when I had rebelled against Carlisle's rules, I had killed a lot of humans. The evil ones. The _human_ predators, though they were no more human than I was.

I could do it. I had to do it.

No. No. No. No. I shook my head. I couldn't. Bella deserved better than that. I didn't want to be this soulless monster. Bella, smiling at me in our meadow. Bella, her arms wrapped around me. Bella...

The insane grief of never seeing her lovely face again, never again being able to touch her warm skin, overwhelmed me. Even though she would never know otherwise, I couldn't kill this human. I quickly straightened out of my crouch, turned around and, with my head bowed in shame, I walked away.

The guard Aro had sent, followed at a distance. Obviously, they weren't going to leave me alone for a second now. They were certain I would try to do _something_. They had been given specific instructions.

I ended up in the main square, in the center of the city. Large, open, with the old clock tower off to one side. The _Piazza dei Priori_ ... – now there was an idea. Yes! That was it. Simple. Easy. Brilliant. I almost smiled.

Soon, very soon, the city streets would be full of humans. There would be throngs of them in the large plaza, with the wide, square fountain in the middle. It would allow for the biggest possible audience. Let them all watch me. It would be a spectacle they would never forget. Perfect.

I would walk out into the sun. Glistening. Sparkling. Like the freak I was. Well, likely the Volturi wouldn't let me get this far. Alright, that would be my plan.

I just had to kill some time now before it was my time to be killed. I almost laughed at the irony of that.


	2. Alive

**Author's Note: **This is my take on Edward's version of the some of the events that take place in Stephenie Meyer's _New Moon._ It is a retelling of large portions of the book, albeit from Edward's POV. All dialogue and conversations from New Moon for which both Edward and Bella are present, have been faithfully incorporated exactly the way they appear in Stephenie's brilliant work of fiction.

As I wrote, I leaned on scenes and emotions depicted in Twilight, New Moon and Midnight Sun (the 12 chapters Stephenie published on her website. Yes, I read them!), as well as outtakes and extras she has posted on her site in my attempt to understand what is going on in that boy's head. Certain information not actually revealed until Eclipse and Breaking Dawn also played a part. Remember, this is Edward telling the story of New Moon as he experienced it. There are things that he knows long before Bella finds out. He is very protective of her, and therefore keeps a lot of what he knows to himself. I also used information gained from Q&A sessions and Personal Correspondence with Stephenie that were posted by the admins of the TwilightLexicon website. These people have done a tremendous job - check them out.

This 2nd Chapter is called "Alive". It continues Edward's journey to find oblivion - his self-imposed punishment for Bella's death. Edward prepares to force the Volturi hand. Unbeknownst to him, Bella and Alice are racing to Volterra to save him.

Please, let's all be very clear on this: **All rights to the Twilight series, the books, the characters are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.** I have nothing but the utmost respect for this brilliant writer, whose amazing stories have completely and irrevocably sucked me into the Twilight Universe.

Comments and reviews are welcome and appreciated. Further chapters may follow. Thank you for your interest.

**2. Alive**

I stayed in the shadows of the high-walled, narrow alley ways that wound through the city, pacing myself to pass the hours. I ended up in the alley just to the right of the clock tower, where I would execute my plan at noon. The sun would be directly overhead, bathing the whole square in sunlight for my grand finale.

This would all be over soon. Noon. Death, oblivion couldn't come soon enough for me.

My love, my Bella no longer existed in this world. The realm in which she resided now was forever barred to me. The horrible grief tore at my insides again. Soon... – death was almost certain now. The Volturi _would_ be made to act. They _would_ give me what I wanted so desperately.

As the hours passed, the square slowly began to fill. In the thoughts of the humans around me, I read their anticipation, their excitement. I chuckled darkly to myself. "_Perfect timing_", I thought.

Today was St. Marcus Day – the ancient holiday Volterra celebrated each year with a great festival. The day on which, according to their stories, sometime in the fifth century, a Father Marcus had supposedly driven all the vampires out of the city. _Father _Marcus – of the Volturi.

Of course the vampires hadn't actually left, but their presence was kept so secret, was so inconspicuous, that the humans didn't know any different. Volterra _was_ the safest place in the world, at least from vampire attack.

They would act very quickly, I was sure of it. They could not allow me to through with my plan. They would be watching me carefully, prepared to act at a moment's notice. They would be fast.

I would be faster.

Red flags fluttered in the wind throughout the plaza. People were milling about. Residents and tourists, all coming out to enjoy this special occasion. They had no idea how _special_ it would be.

I stood at the end of the alley way, beneath the clock tower, still in the shadows of the walls around me. I had taken my shirt off and let it drop to the ground. I wouldn't need it anymore.

I could see the diffused light gleaming off my bare skin. Not yet. I would wait for the best possible moment to show myself, to let the humans see what I was. A monster. Horrifying. Hideous. Despicable.

A family was standing close to the mouth of the alley, and one of their little girls was pointing at me, giggling, whispering to her mother. They were wondering about me, why I was standing in the shadow with my shirt at my feet. I tuned them out.

I closed my eyes and thought of Bella. Her face, her warm eyes, her inviting smile. Bella.

It was almost over now. There_ would_ be oblivion. There _had_ to be. The clock began to chime. I counted each peal of the bell.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.

My eyes remained closed. I smiled a little, thinking only of Bella. I felt close to peaceful now. It was almost over. It seemed I could even hear her voice, calling my name, over the noise of the pealing bell.

"_Bella, my love_", I answered the imagined voice. "_I wish I had stayed with you._"

I took a large step towards the plaza.

Now – it was time. Time to end this, end my existence, end this unbearable pain I could no longer endure.

I raised my foot to step out of the shadows, when something bumped into me. Was this it?

No, this was a human. My arms automatically opened and held up the person who had the misfortune of not paying attention where they were going. Empty space where thoughts should be. That was odd. And then I caught the scent.

Bella. _Bella_. Her incomparable scent in my nose, her warm body pressed against mine, her soft arms around me. My eyes slowly opened. She was looking up at me, her eyes shining with... with love, it seemed. The bell was still tolling.

"Amazing", I said in wonder, full of surprise. "Carlisle was right."

I was dead, but I'd had a soul after all. I was a little shocked. It was unexpected. It was wondrous.

Bella was with me. I gently touched her cheek. Her scent still sent a burn to the back of my throat, but I wasn't inhaling flames. It was muted, dull, weaker somehow. I didn't stop to think about what that meant. It didn't matter. I would happily endure _this_ pain forever if it meant being with her. "I can't believe how quick it was," I mused. "I didn't feel a thing."

I had gotten my wish. My eyes closed again. I kissed the top of Bella's head.

My arms tightened around her. It was bliss, pure bliss to feel her warm body against mine.

Bella said something but I wasn't paying attention. The ragged hole, the painful burn in my chest was gone. I was holding _her _in my arms again. I was healed.

"_Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, had had no power yet over thy beauty_," I murmured into her hair.

"You smell just exactly the same as always," I continued. "So maybe this _is_ hell. I don't care. I'll take it".

Bella said something else. She struggled against me. Her clothes were wet. My brain couldn't make sense of that. I was confused for a moment. My eyes were still closed, and I was inhaling her scent again. Her heart was flying, like she had run a mile.

Why was she struggling? "What was that?", I asked.

She was gasping. "We're not dead – not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi..."

My eyes snapped open and I looked down at her.

The Volturi! Demetri. Felix. I heard them approach the spot where we were standing. Wait a second... – if Demetri and Felix were still coming closer... Did that mean I was still alive? But if I was still alive, why was I holding Bella in my arms?

And then the realization hit me. I was alive. And so was _she_. Bella was alive. She was not dead. I could feel her arms around me, struggling to push me further into the shadow. Bella was _not_ dead. She was here, with me. Bella was _alive_. Overwhelming joy spread through every cell in my body. It completely replaced, _erased_, the pain, the agony I had been feeling for so long. Bella was alive!

Somehow she had known where to find me. Had known what I was planning to do, and cared enough to try to stop me. How did she get here? Who had... Alice! Of course, she had seen my plans. Yes, Alice must be around somewhere. I couldn't hear her yet, but she would be close.

Bella! She was here with me and I was whole again.

As these thoughts passed through my head in just a fraction of a second, I fully comprehended our dire situation. I quickly spun and gently pushed Bella against the wall of the alley. I stood in front of her, spreading my arms protectively, as I turned to face Demetri and Felix. They approached us from the mouth of the alley.

I silently cursed at myself. I should have never listened to Rosalie. I should have verified the news with Alice or Carlisle. But the boy on the phone had said Charlie was at the funeral. What were the odds? I wondered who had died, whose death had necessitated a funeral. I couldn't bring myself to care.

I had to find a way out of this predicament. I had to get Bella out of here.

"Greetings, Gentlemen," I addressed the two members of the guard, keeping my voice calm and pleasant. "I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters."

"Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?" Felix whispered with underlying menace.

My voice became harder. "I don't believe that will be necessary. I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules."

"Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun," Demetri said. "Let us seek better cover."

The two of them, in their cloaks, were not worried about exposure for themselves.

"I'll be right behind you." I had to get Bella out of the alley. "Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?"

Felix leered. "No, bring the girl."

"_She smells delicious._"

"I don't think so," I said, answering both his thought and spoken word. All pretense of civility had slipped from my voice. Absolutely not. Bella had to be able to leave. I shifted my weight, prepared to fight him off. "No," Bella mouthed at me.

"Shh," I murmured back.

"Felix," Demetri warned him. "Not here."

He turned to me. "Aro simply would like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand after all."

"_Sure he does_," I thought grimly. "_Sure that's all he wants._"

I tried again to achieve freedom for Bella. "Certainly," I agreed to Demetri's request. "But the girl goes free."

"I'm afraid that's not possible," Demetri said. "_Is he serious?_"

"We do have rules to obey."

I tried to stay polite. "Then _I'm _afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri."

"That's just fine," Felix injected himself back into the conversation. "_Do you really think you can fight us both?_"

"Aro will be disappointed," Demetri sighed.

"I'm sure he will survive the letdown," I retorted.

Demetri and Felix spread out to the sides of the alley. I was motionless.

They came closer still, meaning to get me to move deeper into the alley, to avoid a scene. I didn't move an inch. Suddenly, I heard Alice calling me. "_Edward. I'm here._"

I quickly turned my head in her direction. Coming from the dark end of the winding alley, she lithely jumped out of the shadows and nonchalantly made her way to where we were standing.

"Let's behave ourselves, shall we?", she said, as she walked up. "There are ladies present."

Demetri and Felix exchanged a look as they straightened. They didn't like the even numbers.

"We're not alone," Alice pointed out.

The family at the opening of the alley were openly gaping at us, their thoughts full of confusion, wondering what was going on. The father turned and called out to someone.

"Please, Edward. Let's be reasonable", Demetri said.

My forced civility slipped again. "Let's", I agreed. "We'll leave now and nobody will be the wiser."

He sighed, frustrated with my unwillingness to comply. "At least let us discuss this more privately."

"No", I snapped at him.

Felix smiled. "_Here she comes..._"

I heard her approach. Damn it. The situation had just gone from bad to worse.

"Enough", she said in her reedy voice. Demetri and Felix relaxed immediately and straightened out of their crouch. Jane. Damn it. Damn it.

I sighed in resignation and defeat. My arms dropped to my sides. Alice crossed her arms. She was aware of Jane's talent.

Aro had sent little Jane on a separate mission to bring me back, trying whatever he could to prevent me from achieving what I came here for. Of course, he didn't yet know that my desire to die had been obliterated the second I realized that Bella was alive. When she had saved me, stopped me from stepping out into the sun, my will to live had come back in full force. He had no knowledge of this change, but he would find out soon enough. We were headed his way. Damn it, damn it, damn it.

"Follow me", Jane said in a monotone. Alice did so immediately.

Bleakly, I put my arms around Bella again, and started to pull her forward. Felix and Demetri made up the rear of our little group.

Bella's arms wrapped around my waist. So comforting. I touched her face, over and over. I bent my head to hers and inhaled her scent, again and again. The fire in my throat burned dully, but I didn't care. I embraced it. It wasn't a raging fire, but more of a dull pain. Like the fire had been extinguished and the remains were just smoldering. I pondered that for a short moment. Living through the last 24 hours, convinced I had lost Bella forever, seemed to have cured me of the despicable thirst, the fiery burn that the scent of her blood, her close proximity had previously brought on. It made me hopeful. Considering how long I had been without her scent in my nose, the dull burn was easier to ignore than I ever thought possible.

I bent down to kiss Bella's hair. I marveled at being able to do so. Bella was here, with me. I loved her. With a little luck, perhaps, she still loved me, too.

Certainly though, we were in mortal danger. I frantically thought of ways to save us. Nothing helpful came to mind. Well, I would just have to play it by ear, then.

Bella must care for me more deeply than I had previously thought, if it still mattered to her whether I lived or died. How ridiculous to assume that her feelings for me weren't as strong as my feelings for her. How stupid could I be?

Did she hate me for what I had done to her? Could she still love me? I would do whatever it took to win her back. Apologize. Let her know how sorry I was. Obviously, groveling would be required. Begging, perhaps. I'd be happy to. For as long as it took. Maybe I would be allowed to explain my reasons for leaving. Maybe. _If_ I found us a way out of this mess. "_Later_," I told myself. I would think about that later.

I looked at my little sister. "Well, Alice," I said casually. "I suppose I should not be surprised to see you here."  
"It was my mistake", she responded in the same tone. "It was my job to set it right".

"What happened?", I asked, keeping my voice disinterested, aware of the listening ears behind us.

"It's a long story", Alice sighed, her gaze flickering to Bella and back ahead. "In summary, she did throw herself off a cliff, but she wasn't trying to kill herself. Bella's all about the extreme sports these days."

As I read the thoughts in Alice's head, I tensed and was suddenly a little furious. Appalled. I could feel the heat radiating off Bella's face. She was blushing. Did she guess what Alice was telling me?

"Hmmm.", I said curtly.

What on _earth _had Bella gotten into while we were gone? Near drownings? Cliff diving? How dare she endanger herself like that? And her best friend was a werewolf?? Young, volatile, immature? Jacob Black was a _werewolf_? Oh, for the love of all that was holy...how was that possible?

We all had thought that the line, the genetic quirk that allowed the small Quileute tribe on the coast to change into wolves, had died out with Ephraim Black. How very curious. Bella's strange pull for all things dangerous had brought the wolves back.

And Laurent? And _Victoria?_ So she had come back, too. I was panicking at the mental picture of her hunting, stalking Bella, still trying to avenge her mate's demise. My pathetic attempts at tracking her all over the continent had been totally useless. While I was in South America, firmly in the grip of misery, curled up in some rotten attic space, Victoria had been trying to get to Bella. And I had left Bella to face it alone. She hadn't been safe. I had been such a complete fool. And for all my plotting, it seemed I now actually owed the wolves my gratitude for keeping Bella out of Victoria's grasp. Ugh. Well, there was nothing I could do about it now.

There were immediate dangers ahead of us. I concentrated on that.

I _had_ to save Bella. First, get her out of Volterra, alive. I would do whatever it took to achieve that goal. Anything.

Find a way. Get Bella home. After I had accomplished that, I promised myself I would take care of Victoria. She would not be bothering the quaint little town of Forks with her presence much longer.

I knew Aro would be excited to see Bella. This sole exception to my ability, her silent mind, had interested him immensely. He had wondered what could be causing her silence, what defense she had to keep her thoughts secret from me. He had wondered about her potential.

I held Bella around her waist, supporting her, helping her stumble forward through the narrow alleys and uneven ground. She was not as sure-footed as the vampires around her. I was glad for that, in a selfish way. Any excuse to hold her. She felt so warm, so_ good_ in my arms. I wanted to hold her forever, never let her go. "_Oh Bella, how I have missed you_", I thought. It felt wonderful, having her in my arms again. Were it not for the danger I had put her in. Again. So frustrating. Simply my existence was putting her in harm's way again. It was absolutely infuriating. Would there _ever_ be a time when being near me would _not_ cause her to be in peril?

Further ahead, at the end of the alley, just before the brick wall, Jane swiftly disappeared into a drain hole in the ground. Alice jumped in after her.

Bella balked at the edge. I understood her reluctance. She didn't know what lay below. I knew, but I didn't like it either.

" _I got it, Edward. Just lower her down. Trust me._"

"It's alright," I said quietly, hoping to reassure her. "Alice will catch you."

Bella crouched at the edge of the drain hole. "Alice?"she whispered, trembling.

"I'm right here, Bella", Alice's voice floated up.

I carefully lowered Bella into the opening.

"Ready?" I asked Alice?

"Drop her," she said.

I let go of Bella. It actually pained me to do so, but I heard Alice catch her and put her on her feet. I immediately jumped down myself, and took her back into my arms. Her arms wrapped around my waist. Demetri pulled the grate back over the drain hole. We moved on, down the ancient stone tunnels under the city.

I touched Bella's face. To be able to touch her again was so healing, so powerful. I kissed her forehead, my thumb smoothing over the shape of her lips. I wanted to kiss those lips, I wanted to feel them against mine. "_Later_," I reminded myself. There would be time for that later. I hoped.

Bella shivered. I realized how freezing the temperatures must feel to her down here, especially since her clothes were still wet. Knowing that my cold stone arms weren't helping the matter, I reluctantly twisted out of her embrace. I moved away from her, holding just her hand, but she chattered "n-n-no", and wrapped her arms around my waist again. Held herself close to me, enduring the wintry cold without concern for herself. I sighed, torn between my need to feel her close and my concern for her well-being. She was still just as stubborn. But her own reluctance to let go of me also gave me hope. Hope that she could still love me, after all I had done to her. Even though I had left her. Not that I deserved her love. For a short moment I let myself imagine that it was true. That she still loved me. Could that be the case? Was it possible? Hope swelled inside me with force.

I quickly rubbed my hand up and down her arm, hoping to warm her with the friction of my hand. I couldn't tell if it was working, but Bella kept her arms around me. It felt so wonderful. She was so soft, so warm. I had missed that so much.

We kept moving forward, Jane at the front. The tunnel grew lighter. We were almost at the end. An iron grille blocked off the passage, but a small metal door was open. We ducked through the door, and hurried on to the larger room ahead. I heard the iron door slam shut. Bella shuddered at the sound. On the other side of the room was a wooden door, also standing open. We passed through.

I glowered at Jane, down the long hallway, standing apathetically at the elevator doors. At least it was warmer in here. I was glad for that, for Bella's sake. The wooden door behind us slid to a close, and Demetri put the bolt in place. In the elevator, I kept Bella in the corner. She was cringing into me. Scared, I was sure. I couldn't blame her. I couldn't tell her there was nothing to fear, though I wished I could.

I locked my eyes on Jane, watching her thoughts. I kept rubbing Bella's arm, trying desperately to warm her. The elevator ride took but a moment. We stepped out into the brightly lit reception area I had been in earlier, with the wood-paneled walls and thick, green carpets. It must have looked very benign, very business-like to Bella compared to the tunnels we had just passed through, but of course I knew better. In the center of the room was the high counter, with the human, Gianna, still standing in place. I looked down at Bella's face as she registered the other human in the room, and saw the confusion she must have felt.

The human greeted Jane, who nodded in reply. "Gianna", she said, her voice dripping with boredom. Felix winked at Gianna as he passed by her desk, and this silly human giggled in response. She disgusted me.

Jane continued on to a set of double doors in the far corner of the room. Having no choice, I followed, still pulling Bella along with me. On the other side, Alec came towards us. He smiled at Jane, greeting her. They embraced, kissing each other's cheeks. Then he looked at us and his smile widened. "_He's back. Aro will be so happy._"

"They sent you out for one, and you come back with two...and a half", he said, looking at Bella. "Nice work." Jane laughed delightedly.

"Welcome back, Edward," Alec greeted me. "You seem to be in a better mood."

"Marginally," I answered flatly. Yes, I was feeling better than the last time he had seen me, when I still thought that Bella was dead. Holding her, feeling her soft body in my arms, the despair and grief that had me in their grasp before no longer applicable, I was almost happy. If Bella hadn't been in danger, I would have shouted with the radiant joy that was pulsing through me.

Alex laughed quietly. "And this is the cause of all the trouble?" he asked skeptically. I smiled, my expression almost contemptuous.

"_Yes, and she smells appetizing, doesn't she?"_ , Felix thought behind me. I stiffened in response. "Dibs", he called out, grinning. I turned to him, a low snarl building in my chest. His grin got wider, his hand was up, beckoning me forward.

"Patience," Alice said, touching my arm. I exchanged a long glance with her, while she silently told me this had to end peacefully, that we had to find a way to be able to leave. "_You'll gain nothing by attacking him. Be careful, Edward_" she thought. "_Keep your head. Concentrate on getting us out. I don't know what they will do. I can't see the outcome yet. We can't afford mistakes._" I took a deep breath, and turned back to Alec.

"Aro will be so pleased to see you again", Alec said, as if nothing had happened. "Let's not keep him waiting", Jane suggested. I nodded once. There was no escaping it now. I had to keep my wits about me, to keep Bella safe. We _must_ be allowed to leave this place.


	3. Saved

**Author's Note:** This is my take on Edward's version of the some of the events that take place in Stephenie Meyer's _New Moon._ It is a retelling of large portions of the book, albeit from Edward's POV. All dialogue and conversations from New Moon for which both Edward and Bella are present, have been faithfully incorporated exactly the way they appear in Stephenie's brilliant work of fiction.

As I wrote, I leaned on scenes and emotions depicted in Twilight, New Moon and Midnight Sun (the 12 chapters Stephenie published on her website. Yes, I read them!), as well as outtakes and extras she has posted on her site in my attempt to understand what is going on in that boy's head. Certain information not actually revealed until Eclipse and Breaking Dawn also played a part. Remember, this is Edward telling the story of New Moon as he experienced it. There are things that he knows long before Bella finds out. He is very protective of her, and therefore keeps a lot of what he knows to himself. I also used information gained from Q&A sessions and Personal Correspondence with Stephenie that were posted by the admins of the TwilightLexicon website. These people have done a tremendous job - check them out.

This 3rd Chapter is called "Saved". It depicts the confrontation with the Volturi, and Edward's desperate work to keep Bella from harm, to get her out of the Volturi's grasp. I tried to convey his actions, emotions and struggles as he works to convince Aro to let them leave.

Please, let's all be very clear on this: **All rights to the Twilight series, the books, the characters are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.** I have nothing but the utmost respect for this brilliant writer, whose amazing stories have completely and irrevocably sucked me into the Twilight Universe.

Comments and reviews are welcome and appreciated. Further chapters may follow. Thank you for your interest.

**3. Saved**

Alec and Jane, holding hands, led the way down another wide hallway, stopping halfway down and sliding a wooden panel out of the way. Alec held the door behind the panel open for Jane and slipped through after her. I pulled Bella through to the other side of the door. We were in another stone chamber. It was dark and cold again, and my remorse deepened. Bella must be so cold.

The antechamber opened into a large, perfectly round room. We had reached our destination. It had been a long way for Bella. I wondered briefly how long it had been since she had slept. She looked so tired, deep shadows under her eyes.

This was the room that the Volturi used for their meals. For the humans that were frequently brought in, the food source. A drain in the middle of the room served to dispose the bodies after they were finished, ending in the stone tunnels below. The thick walls of the two-story turret ensured that the screams did not reach the outside world.

The ancients also gathered in this room to pass judgment on those of us who had broken the rules, those that threatened exposure. Having been brought here was not a promising sign.

My horror at the thought of Bella being in this room conflicted with the happiness of having her by my side. It made it difficult to concentrate. I refocused on the task ahead. Keep Bella safe.

Long window slits threw rectangles of sunlight onto the stone floor below. A handful of my kind were already scattered around the room, engaged in casual conversation. Their faces all turned to us as we entered. Curiosity filled their minds. They all caught Bella's scent.

Aro was standing in the middle, surrounded by his guard. He fastened his eyes on Jane.  
"Jane, dear one, you've returned," he cried in delight. He drifted forward over to her, took her face in his hands and kissed her lips. "_Disgusting_", I thought.

I was desperate to find anything in the thoughts around me that would help us, any escape that would be open to us. Nothing. There was nothing.

"Yes, Master," Jane smiled at him. "I brought him back alive, just as you wished." How sycophantic, how pathetic his guard was, the way they worshiped him. I wondered briefly what kept them bound so tightly, what made them want to serve their masters in this fashion.

"Ah, Jane," Aro smiled back at her. "You are such a comfort to me."

I kept my face polite, struggling to suppress the distaste I was feeling. Aro was turning towards us, and his smile became almost ecstatic. "And Alice and Bella, too," he rejoiced, as if he hadn't know it as soon as he touched Jane's face. He clapped his hands. "This _is_ a happy surprise! Wonderful!"

Greed. Envy. Greed again. I could see it clearly, even though he tried to suppress it.

He turned to our escort. "Felix, be a dear and tell my brothers about our company," he said. I'm sure they wouldn't want to miss this."

"Yes, Master," Felix nodded and went back the way we had come.

"You see, Edward?" Aro smiled a me. "What did I tell you? Aren't you glad that I didn't give you what you wanted yesterday?"

That I was. Absolutely. More than glad. He had no_ idea_. My arms tightened around Bella's waist.

"Yes, Aro, I am", I agreed, playing along.

"I love a happy ending," Aro sighed. "They are so rare. But I want the whole story. How did this happen? Alice?" His curious gaze turned towards my sister. "Your brother seems to think you infallible, but apparently there was some mistake."

"Oh, I'm far from infallible." Alice flashed a smile at Aro. Her fists were tightly balled up by her side.

"As you can see today, I cause problems as often as I cure them."

"_Please don't insult me, Alice_,"Aro thought. He kept up the charade. "You're too modest," he chided her. "I have seen some of your more amazing exploits, and I must admit I've never observed anything like your talent. Wonderful!"

Alice glanced at me. "_What does he mean, Edward?_"

Aro didn't miss her glance. "I'm sorry, we haven't been introduced properly at all, have we? It's just that I feel like I know you already, and I tend to get ahead of myself. Your brother introduced us yesterday, in a peculiar way. You see, I share some of your brother's talent, only I am limited in a way that he is not." He was envious.

"_I would so enjoy adding these two to my collection._"

I would imagine so. "And also exponentially more powerful," I added dryly. "_Allow me_," I thought.

I looked at Alice and swiftly explained. "Aro needs physical contact to hear your thoughts, but he hears much more than I do. You know I can only hear what's passing through your head in the moment. Aro hears every thought your mind has ever had."

Alice raised her eyebrows. "_Everything? Are you serious?_"

I inclined my head. Aro didn't miss that either.

"But to be able to hear from a distance..." Aro sighed, gesturing towards us, guessing what had just taken place. "That would be so _convenient_."

I was sure it would be. Very convenient. "_Too bad you don't own _us_, isn't it?_"flitted through my mind.

Led by Felix, Marcus and Caius entered the room. Every head turned towards them. Even Bella turned around to see who had captured the attention of everyone in the room.

"Marcus, Caius, look!" Aro was crooning the words.

"Bella is alive after all, and Alice is her with her! Isn't that wonderful?"

Marcus was bored, as usual, his face void of emotion. Caius was scowling. "_Yes, yes, just wonderful. Hurry up with the formalities. I have more important things to worry about than your need for further acquisitions._" He drifted towards one of their wooden thrones that were scattered throughout the room.

"Let us have the story," Aro continued, excitement coloring his voice.

"_How strange. Unexpected. He truly loves this human. Very curious. Such intense, powerful emotions. He would die for her. And she reciprocates in turn. Strong, enduring. _" Marcus was perplexed.

He paused beside Aro and briefly touched his hand to let him know what he had just seen. I couldn't completely suppress a snort at his reaction. Alice shot me a curious look, but I was thinking of what Marcus's words meant for me.

I knew how _I _felt about Bella. But to realize that Bella felt the same way for me... that she still loved me. She_ loved_ me. Joy expanded through my frozen heart.

"Thank you, Marcus," Aro said. "That's quite interesting." He shook his head. "_How extraordinary. I've never seen anything like it._"

"Amazing," he said. "Absolutely amazing."

Alice was frustrated. "_Would you _mind_ explaining what he's talking about?_" I quickly gave her what she wanted. "Marcus sees relationships. He is surprised by the intensity of ours."

Aro smiled. "So convenient," he repeated to himself, desire still coloring his thoughts. He pictured the two of us by his side, dressed in the dark cloaks of the guard. The greed to add us to his collection was evident in his mind.

He looked at us. "It takes quite a bit to surprise Marcus, I can assure you."

Yes, I imagined so. Marcus had seen too many millennia to be surprised by anything.

"It's just so difficult to understand, even now," Aro continued. He stared at my arm, still wrapped around Bella's waist. "_How do you _do_ it? It's... unnatural._"

"How can you stand so close to her like that?"

My throat was still burning dully, but I realized again how little it bothered me, how infrequent it came to mind. It wasn't as _hard _as it had been. The scent of Bella's blood was no longer the strong temptation I had always fought so fiercely to control.

"_Because I love her! Because it would kill me if I harmed her in any way!_" I wanted to shout at him. "It is not without effort," I calmly answered instead.

"But, still – _la tua cantante_! What a waste!"

I responded with a humorless chuckle. "I look at it more as a price."

"_And she is worth it!_"

Aro was still skeptical. "A very high price."

"Opportunity cost," I retorted.

He laughed. "If I hadn't smelled her through your memories, I wouldn't have believed the call of anyone's blood could be so strong. I've never felt anything like it myself. Most of us would trade much for such a gift, and yet you..."

"Waste it," I finished for him, sarcastically. He still didn't understand how completely Bella had altered me.

Aro laughed again. "Ah, how I miss my friend Carlisle! You remind me of him – only he was not so angry."

"_His self-control was extraordinary. How many times did I try to sway him from the unnatural food source he had chosen._"

I didn't think I had ever seen Carlisle angry in the many years I had been with him. His gentleness, his goodness, and complete aversion to violence was something I had always tried to emulate, but often failed.

"Carlisle outshines me in many other ways as well."

"I certainly never thought to see Carlisle bested for self-control of all things, but you put him to shame."

Bella's flowing blood had all of us fighting the urge to kill her at her last birthday party. All of us. Except for Carlisle. Put him to shame? Not likely.

"Hardly," I said impatiently. I was tired of the charade. I wanted to know what Aro's plans were for us. I wanted to know if he would let us leave. Bella knew the secret. There was a good chance that he would ask me to make her immortal prior to our departure. And I didn't know how to answer if he made that his condition. I skipped through the heads of the other vampires in the room, still trying to find anything that would get us out of this predicament.

Demetri was concentrating, trying to memorize the... the tenor?...of my mind. "_You can run, but you can't hide_," he thought gleefully. "_Gotcha_."

Oh – so _that _was how Demetri's talent worked. He was a tracker. Much more powerful than James had been. Interesting. I filed the information away for future use. Not helpful at the moment. Felix had no special gift, but was immensely strong, and usually headed their search parties with Demetri. And I already knew what Jane and Alec could do. I returned my attention to Aro.

"I am gratified by his success," he mused. "Your memories of him are quite a gift for me, though they astonish me exceedingly. I am surprised by how it..._pleases_ me, his success in this unorthodox path he's chosen. I expected that he would waste, weaken with time. I'd scoffed at his plan to find others who would share his peculiar vision. Yet, somehow, I'm happy to be wrong."

I didn't even honor that with a reply. "But _your_ restraint!" Aro sighed again. "I did not know such strength was possible. To inure yourself against such a siren call, not just once but again and again – if I had not felt it myself, I would not have believed." "_And why _would_ you resist it? Why would anyone? It's just not done. Such a waste. I don't understand it. What I wouldn't give to taste the blood of such a one..._"

I listened to his musings with a smooth face, but I was seething underneath the surface. "_Get to the point, already._"

"Just remembering how she appeals to you...", he chuckled. "It makes me thirsty."

I stiffened, prepared to defend Bella if he made a move towards her. He noticed and calmed his thoughts.

"Don't be disturbed. I mean her no harm. But I am _so_ curious, about one thing in particular." His eyes shifted to Bella, bright interest evident on his face. "May I?" he asked me, already lifting his hand.

"Ask _her_," I countered.

"Of course, how rude of me!" Aro relented. "Bella," he spoke to her directly. "I'm fascinated that you are the one exception to Edward's impressive talent – so very interesting that such a thing should occur! And I was wondering, since our talents are similar in many way, if you would be so kind as to allow me to try – to see if you are an exception for _me_, as well?"

Bella looked at me, terror in her eyes. I nodded at her in encouragement. Aro wasn't lying – he did not mean to harm her. Yet.

Aro approached her slowly, a gentle look on his face he meant to be reassuring.

Bella trembled as she slowly put her hand in his, staring at him.

Aro heard – nothing. He concentrated harder, but all I could hear were _his_ thoughts. There was nothing coming from Bella. His face fell, changing from supreme confidence to doubt, then incredulity as he continued to hear – nothing. Incredible!

I felt a little smug. I kept my face even.

Aro let go of her hand and glided back. "So very interesting." He composed his face into a calm mask.

"_Unbelievable. Impossible. What immunity does she possess? And the potential. If she were one of us..._" His eyes flickered back and forth between the three of us.

He shook his head. "A first," he said, mostly to himself."_Let's see if ..._"

"I wonder if she is immune to our other talents...Jane, dear?"

"No!" I snarled at him. Alice grabbed my arm, but I shook her off.

No. No. No. Not Jane! Not her. No!

She smiled at him. "Yes, Master?"

I was enraged, snarling at him, the sounds ripping themselves from my chest, glaring, my eyes full with the furor at his words. I had to protect Bella. Jane's gift would surely kill her. Even immortals were not able to endure without screaming. She couldn't be allowed to hurt Bella. NO!

The room had gone silent. Nobody spoke. The spectators stared at me with disbelief. I was committing a serious faux-pas, but I didn't care.

"_Go ahead, Edward. Give me a reason..._," Felix thought with a hopeful grin. He took a step towards me. Aro's glance stopped his advance. His expression turned sour. "_Fine._"

"I was wondering, my dear one, if Bella is immune to_ you_," Aro continued.

My snarls became more pronounced. No. NO!

I let go of Bella and tried to hide her behind me. Caius, always interested in any type of cruelty, drifted towards us to watch. Jane, smiling, turned towards us. NO! I launched myself at her.

"Don't!" Alice cried.

And I was on the ground. Writhing. The pain was excruciating. I was being burned alive. Every cell in my body was sizzling. I clenched my teeth, and suppressed the screams that threatened to burst out. No. Bella shouldn't have to hear me screaming.

Fire. Agony. Torture. My body twitched with the pain. I was burning, burning, burning in the fires of hell.

Through the raging inferno, I heard Bella's shriek. "Stop!"

I cringed against the ancient stones, stubbornly holding the screams of pain inside. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction. Fire. Burning, raging fire. I was bound to a stake and the flames were roaring all around me. Excruciating. Torturous.

"Jane," Aro called in a languid voice. As soon as she looked away from me, the fire stopped. The burning faded. I could breathe.

"He's fine," Alice whispered. Bella was struggling against her. I sat up and quickly sprang to my feet. Jane was focusing her gaze at Bella, smiling in pleasure. Horrified, I looked at Bella. She was staring at me, with agonized eyes. My gaze flickered to Jane and back to Bella.

Relief. I exhaled in a rush and went over to Bella's side. Immediately, Alice surrendered Bella to me. I put my arms around her.

Jane was no longer smiling. She was glaring at Bella, her jaw clenched, her focus intense. "_Why is she __still standing? Burn, human, burn!_" Nothing happened.

Aro laughed. "Ha, ha, ha," he chuckled. "This is wonderful!"

I agreed completely. Bella wasn't harmed. The strange glitch in her brain that kept her thoughts hidden from me had also protected her from Jane. I was almost certain that Demetri wouldn't be able to track her either since his talent worked in a similar way.

Jane's frustration burst out with a hiss. She leaned forward to spring. I tensed again, preparing to launch myself at her again, if need be.

"Don't be put out, dear one," Aro said, comforting Jane, putting his hand on her shoulder. "She confounds us all."

Jane exposed her teeth as she continued to glare at us. "_Damnation!_"

"Ha, ha, ha," Aro laughed again. "You're very brave, Edward, to endure in silence. I asked Jane to do that to me once – just out of curiosity." He shook his head in admiration. I glared at him, thoroughly disgusted.

"So what do we do with you now?" Aro sighed. "_Keep them? Let them go? I would love to see how Bella's odd talent would manifest itself if she were to become immortal. Perhaps she would become on of us..._"

Alice and I stiffened simultaneously. This is what I had been waiting for. Would they let us go? Bella trembled by my side.

"I don't suppose there's any chance that you've changed your mind?" Aro asked me. I hesitated. I didn't want to offend him, not now. Neither Jane nor Felix were happy with the idea of my joining their troupe.

"I'd...rather...not," I said carefully.

"Alice?" Aro asked, with hope in his voice. "Would you perhaps be interested in joining with us?"

"_I don't _think_ so_!" she thought. "No, thank you," she said.

"And you, Bella?" Aro raised his eyebrows. A low hiss escaped my lips. No!

Caius spoke up. "What?"

"Caius, surely you see the potential," Aro answered. "I haven't seen a prospective talent so promising since we found Jane and Alec. Can you imagine the possibilities when she is one of us?"

Jane didn't like that comparison.

I fumed. A growl was rumbling in my chest. I barely had a handle on my fury.

"No, thank you," Bella whispered, her voice breaking.

Aro sighed. "_I am so curious to see how this strange human would turn out. Though, he doesn't intend to change her...hmm. Perhaps he needs incentive..._"

"That's unfortunate. Such a waste."

I decided to call his bluff. I chose my words with great care.

"Join or die, is that it? I suspected as much when we were brought to _this_ room. So much for your laws."

"Of course not." Astonished, Aro blinked at me. "We were already convened here, Edward, awaiting Heidi's return. Not for you."

More bad news. If Heidi was on her way back, she was most certainly not alone. She was delivering the food source. We needed to leave that much sooner, get out of this room, before she arrived.

Caius was having none of that. "Aro, the law claims them."

It was clear what he meant. I turned my glare towards him. "How so?" I demanded, determined to make him speak the words out loud. He didn't disappoint me. "She knows too much," he pointed at Bella. "You have exposed our secrets."

"There are few humans in on your charade here, as well," I reminded him of the receptionist they employed. Caius' smile was cruel.

"Yes," he confirmed. "But when they are no longer useful to us, they will serve to sustain us. That is not your plan for this one. If she betrays our secrets, are you prepared to destroy her? I think not."

Bella whispered. "I wouldn't -," but he silenced her with a glare.

"Nor do you intend to make her one of us," he continued his tirade. "Therefore, she is a vulnerability. Though it is true, for this, only _her_ life is forfeit. You may leave if you wish."

I bared my teeth at his words. "That's what I thought," Caius said, with barely disguised pleasure.

Aro was not happy with the way this conversation was going.

"Unless...," he interrupted. "Unless you do intend to give her immortality?"

I hesitated. "And if I do?"

He smiled. "Why, then you would be free to go home and give my regards to my friend Carlisle."

"_He must be made to promise._"

"But I'm afraid you would have to mean it." He extended his hand towards me, wanting to restore the physical connection he needed.

I didn't want to shake his hand. I stared into Bella's eyes, the conflicting emotions raging inside me. Agreeing to Aro's condition would save Bella's life, but at what cost? Though I wanted to be with her forever, I still wasn't convinced that Carlisle was right. How could I condemn Bella to a soulless existence? I remembered Alice's vision. Bella, staring at me with fiery, red eyes, devoid of any emotion, but how could she not hate me for taking away her soul? I felt sick at the thought.

I couldn't make that choice.

Perhaps we still had a chance to get around the issue. After Aro's little experiment with Jane, I didn't think that Demetri would be able to track Bella. He relied on that sense too much.

I didn't want to share that with Aro. How to avoid it?

"Mean it," Bella whispered. "Please."

I kept looking at her, my face reflecting the conflict I was feeling.

"_Good grief, Edward. Enough already! This has gotten beyond ridiculous. _"

Alice stepped towards Aro with her hand raised. She didn't say a word. Aro waived off his guard as he drifted to meet her halfway. "_How I wish she was mine..._"

He took her hand eagerly, his eyes closing as he concentrated on her memories. Her visions.

Her visions of Jasper. Of her life with our family before she had even found us.

Decades after decades of visions. And everything more recent.

Alice's decision in the airplane to change Bella herself, even against my will. She had promised. She had promised? No!

Bella, her face as pale as mine, her eyes glowing bright crimson. Exquisitely beautiful. Immortal.

A wedding. Bella in a white gown, smiling happily at me, walking towards me on her father's arm, a long veil billowing out behind her. _What_??

"_You see, Aro?_" Alice thought, fiercely. "_She _will_ become one of us. She wants it, too, and it _will_ happen. I'll change her myself, if he's unwilling._"

My teeth made an audible sound. "_Not if I have a say in it!_"

Nobody moved.

Aro's voice broke the silence. "Ha, ha, ha," he laughed, his eyes bright with excitement. "That was _fascinating_!"

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," Alice smiled at him dryly.

"To see the things that you've seen – especially the ones that haven't happened yet!" Aro said, thoroughly impressed.  
"But that will, " she reminded him.

"Yes, yes, it's quite determined. Certainly there's no problem."

Caius didn't like this new direction at all. "Aro," he complained.

"Dear Caius," Aro smiled at him. "Do not fret. Think of the possibilities! They do not join us today, but we can always hope for the future. Imagine the joy young Alice alone would bring to our little household....Besides, I'm so terribly curious to see how Bella turns out."

He was convinced. He was letting us go. "_Speed it up, Edward_," I told myself.

"Then we are free to go now?" I asked him evenly.

"Yes, yes," Aro agreed. "But please visit again. It's been absolutely enthralling!"

"And we will visit you as well," Caius injected. The threat was explicit. "To be sure that you follow through on your side. Were I you, I would not delay too long. We do not offer second chances."

I nodded, my jaw clenched.

Smirking, he moved back to where Marcus was still seated, still utterly disinterested.

"_Well, damn_!" Felix groaned, his hopes dashed.

"Ah, Felix." Aro was amused. "Heidi will be here at any moment. Patience."

Time was running out.

"Hmm," I said, concerned with this new threat. "In that case, perhaps we'd better leave sooner rather than later."

Aro knew what I meant. "Yes," he agreed with me. "That's a good idea. Accidents _do _happen. Please wait below until after dark, though, if you don't mind."

I could deal with that, but I needed to get Bella out of this room before she realized what was about to happen in here.

"Of course," I consented.

"And here," Aro added. He motioned Felix forward and unfastened the cloak Felix was wearing and tossed it to me. "Take this. You're a little conspicuous."

I hadn't put my shirt back on, leaving it behind in the alley. I could appreciate Aro's reluctance to let me leave like this. I draped it around me, leaving the hood down.

"It suits you," Aro sighed. "_It suits you very well._"

I chuckled, but quickly stopped. From the corridors behind us, I could hear the voices. Heidi had arrived with her catch.

I glanced over my shoulder. "Thank you, Aro. We'll wait below."

"Goodbye, young friends." He stared towards the exit, eyes bright, knowing as well as I did what was headed this way.

We were out of time. My voice was urgent. "Let's go."

Demetri led the way. I swiftly pulled Bella beside me. Alice's face was hard. She knew the reason for my sudden urgency. "Not fast enough," she muttered.

She was right. I was horrified. Bella would see, and she would understand.

A large number of people was beginning to fill the antechamber, their voices booming in the room. Some were excited. Some were confused. They had no idea why they were here, no inclination why they had been brought to this room. They would know soon, too soon. I felt sorry for them.

I pulled Bella's face against my chest, trying desperately to protect her from understanding the coming horror. As soon as I saw a chance, I quickly guided her to the exit, and we were back in the hallway. Heidi was there, staring at us, her thoughts curious. "_What's this_?"

"Welcome home, Heidi," Demetri called out in greeting.

"Demetri," she replied. She eyed the cloak I was wearing. "_Who is he? Did we acquire a new addition while I was gone_?"

I rushed Bella down the corridor as fast as I possibly could. I wasn't fast enough. The screams began before we reached the door.


	4. Home

**Author's Note:** This is my take on Edward's version of the some of the events that take place in Stephenie Meyer's _New Moon._ It is a retelling of large portions of the book, albeit from Edward's POV. All dialogue and conversations from New Moon for which both Edward and Bella are present, have been faithfully incorporated exactly the way they appear in Stephenie's brilliant work of fiction.

As I wrote, I leaned on scenes and emotions depicted in Twilight, New Moon and Midnight Sun (the 12 chapters Stephenie published on her website. Yes, I read them!), as well as outtakes and extras she has posted on her site in my attempt to understand what is going on in that boy's head. Certain information not actually revealed until Eclipse and Breaking Dawn also played a part. Remember, this is Edward telling the story of New Moon as he experienced it. There are things that he knows long before Bella finds out. He is very protective of her, and therefore keeps a lot of what he knows to himself. I also used information gained from Q&A sessions and Personal Correspondence with Stephenie that were posted by the admins of the TwilightLexicon website. These people have done a tremendous job - check them out.

This 4th Chapter is called "Home". Edward, Bella and Alice are leaving Volterra. The chapter revolves around Edward's thoughts and emotions on the plane ride home, the arrival at Bella's house and his confrontation with Charlie while Bella sleeps in her room.

Please, let's all be very clear on this: **All rights to the Twilight series, the books, the characters are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.** I have nothing but the utmost respect for this brilliant writer, whose amazing stories have completely and irrevocably sucked me into the Twilight Universe.

Comments and reviews are welcome and appreciated. Further chapters may follow. Thank you for your interest.

**4. Home**

Demetri stayed with us until we reached the reception area. "Do not leave until dark," he warned. I nodded my consent, worried about Bella, knowing that she had understood the fate of the humans who had filed into the turret room.

She started to shake, sobs building in her chest, breaking to the surface. She was clinging to me.

"Are you all right?" I asked her under my breath.

"You'd better make her sit down before she falls," Alice said. "She's going to pieces."

"_That much is obvious, thank you._"

I didn't know what to do. Bella's entire body was shaking in my arms, racking with the sobs, her teeth chattering. It pained me to see her in such distress.

"Shh, Bella, shh," I tried to console her, pulling her to the far corner of the room.

"I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her."

I threw Alice a frantic glance. Was that supposed to be helpful?

I sat down on the couch and pulled Bella onto my lap, tucking the woolen cloak around her to protect her from the temperature of my skin.

"It's all right, you're safe, it's all right," I kept chanting, still trying to calm her down.

"All those people," she sobbed against my chest.

"I know," I whispered. What else could I say? The existence of monsters had always resulted in horrifying consequences.

"It's so horrible."

It was. Though I didn't know the humans that had become the afternoon meal, none of them deserved to die this way. "Yes, it is. I wish you hadn't had to see that."

I deeply regretted it. Could Bella ever forgive me for exposing her to these horrors? Would she hate me for it?

Bella rested her head against my chest, wiping her eyes with the cloak. She took a few deep breaths.

"Is there anything I can get you?" Gianna had come over, curious. She had never seen a human leave the turret room alive.

"No," I answered her coldly. She disappeared back to her counter.

"Does she know what's going on here?" Bella asked, her voice rough from crying.

I told her the truth. "Yes. She knows everything."

"Does she knows they are going to kill her someday?"

"She knows it's a possibility." The woman hoped fervently that they would want to make her one of them. A monster. Like them. Like me.

I again went with the truth. "She's hoping they'll decide to keep her."

Bella went white. "She wants to be one of them?"

I nodded, watching her carefully, assessing her reaction. What did she think?

She shuddered in my arms. "How can she want that?" she whispered. "How can she watch those people file through to that hideous room and want to be a part of _that_?"

How, indeed. Would this realization make her reconsider her desire to become one of us?

"Oh, Edward," she suddenly was sobbing again, scaring me.

"What's wrong," I asked anxiously. I gently patted her back, hoping this would calm her again.

She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled herself closer to me. It felt wonderful. I had missed her warm body in my arms for too long.

"Is it really sick for me to be happy right now?" she asked me.

I understood that emotion entirely. I was feeling the same way. Happy to be with her, elated to hold her close to me. I tightened my arms around her, pulling her against my chest, the heat from her body radiating through me. "I know exactly what you mean. But we have lots of reasons to be happy," I whispered. "For one, we're alive."

"Yes," she agreed. "That's a good one."

Not nearly as good as the next one I gave her. The most important one.

"And together." Our reunion had been so wondrous, it still amazed me. Did she feel the same?

Bella nodded, her face turned up to mine.

"And, with any luck, we'll still be alive tomorrow," I said, wondering silently if she would hate me, worrying she would send me away. Could she really want me back, after all that I had done to her? Not only had I left her, but my actions had set of a chain reaction that culminated in exposing her to the horrors she had seen. How would I cope if she did not forgive me?

"Hopefully," she replied.

"The outlook is quite good," Alice tried to assure us. I saw Jasper's face in her head. "I'll see Jasper in less than twenty-four hours."

Bella's eyes stayed on my face. I stared right back at her, trying to convey with my eyes what I couldn't tell her yet. I loved her. I _loved _her. And for as long as she would have me, I would stay with her. I would never leave her again.

Her eyes had dark circles beneath them. I traced them with my fingertips. She must be exhausted.

"You look so tired," I whispered.

"And you look thirsty," she replied.

"It's nothing," I shrugged.

"Are you sure? I could sit with Alice."

Absolutely not. I didn't even consider her offer. I barely felt the burn. Bella had no idea how absolutely that had changed. I wanted to tell her. "Don't be ridiculous," I sighed. "I've never been in better control of _that_ side of my nature than right now."

And it was the truth. During the last few hours I had realized that the potency of her scent would never tempt me again. I had found a new measure of control that I knew would not fade. Thinking I had lost her, lost her forever, had completely erased the temptation the scent of her blood had been for me.

I kept staring at her face. I had lived without it for so long. The melted chocolate of her eyes, the gentle curve of her lips. She was so beautiful. Bella was quiet in my arms, her eyes never leaving mine. I wondered what she was thinking.

"Fly out of Rome, you think? We could run, but obviously, a car would be better for Bella. I'll have to steal another. Did you see the Porsche I found in Florence? Anyway, let's wait until we are out of the city. I need to get our bags, too, before we leave," Alice was saying.

We talked back and forth about the benefits of one route against another. I wanted to get Bella home as quickly as possible. She would be able to sleep on the longest leg of our trip.

Alice would call Jasper from Rome to let them know we when were coming back, and to meet us at the airport. I was sure she would also give him the rundown of all that had transpired in the last few days.

She told me about the things I had missed in the last few months. Carlisle, teaching at Cornell, and working nights at the hospital. Jasper was studying philosophy. Emmett and Rosalie had returned from their latest honeymoon in Europe. They were all gathered at Tanya's for spring break.

"What was all that talk about _singers_?" she asked me suddenly.

"La _tua cantante_," I said.

"Yes, that."

I shrugged. "They have a name for someone who smells the way Bella does to me. They call her my _singer_ – because her blood sings for me."

Alice laughed. It was a little humorous, I supposed.

As we chatted, as often as I dared, I leaned down to brush my lips against Bella's hair, to kiss the tip of her nose, her fingertips, her wrists. I inhaled her scent, reveling in the sensation of the muted burn, luxuriating in the feeling that I was holding this girl, the only girl, in my arms again.

"_Edward_." Alice called me silently. _"You should probably know... I spoke to Charlie, too._" She ran through the conversations in her mind. I felt sick again. So much pain I had inflicted on Bella, with my lies, my arrogance; thinking that I knew enough about human nature to guess at the depth and persistence of Bella's feelings for me. My decades of experience with humans, listening to the ramblings in their heads had made me blind to the strenght of Bella's love. My erroneous convictions had almost cost me the only girl I had ever wanted, ever loved.

After hurting her so much, I deserved less than I ever had. Additionally, considering everything my irrational actions had necessitated in the last few hours, would she despise me for it? I had done so much damage. I _was _a monster.

But Alice's memories also gave me hope. Might I have another chance at happiness? Another chance at being with Bella?

Well, all I could now do was try. Try to gain her forgiveness. Try to explain my reasons. Tell her how very sorry I was, sorry for leaving, sorry for hurting her so badly. I suppressed a sigh.

"_So, Edward_," Alice thought, teasingly. "_Can we all move back to Forks, then_?"

I didn't respond. At the other end of the room, Alec was about to step through the door. My arms tightened on Bella for an instant, and I lifted my eyes warily in his direction. Had Aro changed his mind? Why was he sending Alec? I quickly flipped through the thoughts in Alec's head.

But it was good news.

"You're free to leave now," he told us. "We ask that you don't linger in the city."

His appearance was a grim reminder to Bella. She cringed against me.

"That won't be a problem," I replied, my voice cold with the disgust I felt for him.

Gianna, intending to be helpful, gave us directions out of the building. Needless instructions, as I knew the way out. If her competence was her only talent, it would most likely not be enough to save her from the fate she had invited when she sought out the Volturi. I couldn't feel sorry for her.

We left through the lobby at the ground floor. The festival was still in full swing all around us. Twilight had descended over the city. Street lamps were beginning to shine their light on the masses of people, still milling about the narrow streets. Many of them wore black cloaks, with plastic fangs, celebrating the vampires their ancestors had feared. "Ridiculous," I muttered to myself.

I kept Bella upright, helping her navigate the dark streets.

"_I'll be right back_." Alice left to get the bags and find us a car for the drive to Florence.

"Where's Alice?" Bella whispered, her voice panicky.

"She went to retrieve your bags from where she stashed them this morning."

"She's stealing a car, too, isn't she?"

As usual, Bella missed nothing. I grinned. "Not till we're outside."

She was spent, I could see that, and I wound my arm around her waist to support her, as we walked to the city gate. She shuddered as we moved through the stone archway. I tightened my grip on her.

"_Over here_," Alice called in her head. She was waiting in a Fiat Bravo, with the engine running. I opened the back door for Bella and, after helping her inside, slid into the backseat with her. Alice could drive. I wanted nothing more than to continue holding Bella. Every touch was a reminder of how lucky I was.

"I'm sorry," Alice apologized for the choice of car. "There wasn't much to choose from."

"_No fast sports cars for miles around_."

"It's fine, Alice." I grinned at her silent complaint. "They can't all be 911 Turbos."

She sighed. "I may have to acquire one of those legally. It was fabulous."

I would forever be in her debt for racing across an ocean to save me. A new car was the least I could give her in return. "I'll get you one for Christmas," I teased her.

She turned around, flashing a huge smile. "Yellow," she said.

I kept Bella tightly in my arms. I hoped that the woolen cloak was warming her up a little. She looked comfortable, but I couldn't be sure. "You can sleep now, Bella," I murmured. "It's over."

She swallowed hard. Still afraid, I guessed. I couldn't blame her. The last few hours must have been like a nightmare for her. "I don't want to sleep. I'm not tired."

The little liar. I could see that she was dead on her feet. I made another attempt, pressing my lips to the hollow under her ear. "Try," I whispered, expecting her to refuse.

She didn't disappoint me, shaking her head. She hadn't changed at all.

I sighed. "You're still just as stubborn."

I was quiet the rest of the way to Florence. She didn't speak, either. Maybe she was too tired, maybe she had nothing to say.

At the airport, Bella took a human minute to freshen up and brush her teeth, while Alice went on a quick shopping trip to get me some new clothes. I left the hideous cloak on a pile of trash outside of the airport. After the quick plane ride to Rome, we were sitting on the runway in the plane that would take us to Atlanta. I looked forward to the long flight, to watching Bella sleep in my arms. I hadn't been able to do that in almost seven months, and I yearned to see the peacefulness of her sleeping face.

Alice was telling Jasper about the last few days, assuring him that all was well, and confirmed that they would pick us up in Seattle the next morning.

Bella asked the flight attendant for a Coke. I knew she didn't tolerate caffeine well.

"Bella," I said, with disapproval in my voice. She should sleep.

"I don't want to sleep," she defended her choice. "If I close my eyes now, I'll see things I don't want to see. I"ll have nightmares."

She was right, of course, and so I had no argument.

She kept drinking soda throughout the flight. It was heavenly to hold her in my arms, tracing the contours of her face again and again. I was marveling to have been given this second chance. She was beautiful.

Her fingers touched my face, gently, hesitantly. Carefully. I didn't know what it meant. I was afraid to ask.

I continued to kiss her hair, her forehead, her wrists...I didn't dare to kiss her lips. She loved me, but did she still want me? Would she take me back? Her demeanor had not given me a clear indication, and I didn't want to be presumptuous. My head swam with doubts.

I couldn't speak. I couldn't ask her the questions I wanted so desperately answered. I didn't know what her answers would be, and the possibility of rejection was terrifying. She might still order me away once she was safely home. I had hurt her so much.

I planned to stay with her in her room after I got her home, and watch over her while she would sleep. And if she still wanted me tomorrow, I would stay with her forever.

My family was waiting for us at the airport. "_Finally, they are here._"

Carlisle and Esme were standing in a quiet corner with Jasper, who had eyes for Alice only.

Esme reached for Bella and hugged her fiercely. I didn't let go of her. "Thank you so much," she said. "_The poor dear, she looks exhausted._"

She threw her arms around me. "You will _never _put me through that again," she almost growled.

I was chagrined. "Sorry, Mom," I grinned at her, regret in my eyes. They had missed me, and my long, self-imposed absence had made Esme sad.

"Thank you, Bella," Carlisle said. "We owe you."

"Hardly," Bella mumbled.

"She's dead on her feet," Esme scolded."_Edward – did she not sleep on the plane?_"

"Let's get her home."

Bella looked mostly asleep as Esme and I helped her through the airport to the car. I stiffened when I saw Emmett and Rosalie lean against Carlisle's Mercedes. "Don't," Esme whispered to me. "She feels awful."

"She should," I said.

"It's not her fault," Bella mumbled, her words scrambled from exhaustion.

"Let her make amends," Esme begged. "We'll ride with Jasper."

"_Edward, please..._"

I glowered at Rosalie. It had been her pettiness, her jealousy, that triggered her phone call. Of course, my overreaction and irrational response to that call hadn't helped the situation, but still...

"Please, Edward," Bella said. I wasn't surprised. Bella knew how Rosalie felt about her, and never had much contact with her. Rosalie had ignored and avoided Bella as much as possible, still irritated that I had preferred this human girl over her immortal beauty. But this was a typical reaction for Bella – always concerned about the feelings of others, always so selfless. Even at the point of utter exhaustion.

I gently put Bella in the backseat of the car, and slid in next to her. Bella laid her head against my chest and her eyes closed. Perhaps she would sleep on the drive to Forks. Rosalie could wait a little longer to gain the forgiveness she craved.

Emmett was driving. Rosalie turned around to face me. "_I'm so sorry, Edward. Really, I am. I didn't mean for this to happen. I... just wanted you to come home_."

"Edward," she began.

"I know," I cut her off, still angry.

"Bella?" Rosalie said, turning towards her. Bella's eyelids fluttered open.

"Yes, Rosalie?" she asked, her face wary.

Rosalie's words came out in a rush. "I'm so very sorry, Bella. I feel wretched about every part of this, and so grateful that you were brave enough to go save my brother after what I did. Please say you'll forgive me."

"Of course, Rosalie," Bella mumbled. "It's not your fault at all."

I disagreed. Rosalie was at least partially to blame.

"I'm the one who jumped of the damn cliff. Of course I forgive you." Bella was so tired, her words were garbled.

I had anticipated that reaction, too. Bella had, in typical fashion, taken the blame on herself, trying to make my sister feel better about what she had done. As usual, I was in awe of her selflessness.

Well, if Bella could forgive her, then maybe so should I. Bella's reaction to Rosalie's words gave me hope that perhaps she would forgive me, too. Of course, my actions had been so much more hurtful...

"It doesn't count until she's conscious," Emmett laughed.

"I'm conscious," Bella sighed in reply. "_Barely_,_ love_," I thought, looking down at her.

"Let her sleep," I said, attempting to end the conversation. Bella should rest. I would hold her and keep her safe.

When we arrived at Bella's house, she was still sleeping. I carried her from the car to the sidewalk. Charlie, having watched our arrival through the window, rushed out of the house towards us, a mixture of ire and concern in his head. Anger, predominantly, but he had obviously been very worried. "Bella," he shouted as soon as he was out of the door. Bella stirred in my arms. "Charlie," she mumbled. She looked confused.

"Shh," I whispered. "It's okay; you're home and you're safe. Just sleep."

"_What is _he _doing here? This is all his fault. Rotten kid._" Charlie was understandably irate. "I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face here," he shouted at me.

"Stop it, Dad," Bella mumbled. He didn't hear her. Charlie looked at his daughter, suddenly worried again. "What's wrong with her?" he demanded.

I tried to reassure him. "She just very tired, Charlie. Please let her sleep."

"Don't tell me what to do!" he yelled in my face. "Give her to me. Get your hands off her!"

The thought of letting her leave my arms hurt, but this was her father. He was completely justified in his anger. I tried to pass Bella off to Charlie, but she clung to me, her fingers locking on my shirt.

"Cut it out, Dad," she said a little louder. She opened her eyes and stared at him. "Be mad at _me_."

"You bet I will be," Charlie answered. "Get inside."

"Kay. Let me down."

I gently put her feet down, holding her up. She slowly moved forward, but I could see her body swaying from the effort. She leaned forward, and I was at her side in an instant to prevent the fall. I cradled her in my arms again.

"Just let me get her upstairs," I begged Charlie. "Then I'll leave."

"No," Bella said, her voice panicky. Her heart sped up, as if she was afraid. She didn't want me to leave? Hope swelled my silent heart again.

"I won't be far," I promised her, whispering in her ear.

I took her up the stairs to her room and gently laid her on her bed. She was fast asleep. I was glad. I carefully unlocked her fingers where they still held on to me, then took off her shoes and covered her with her quilt. I kissed her forehead before I left her room. "I'll be right back," I whispered low.

I went back downstairs to face Charlie who had walked back into the house. Emmett and Rosalie were waiting for me in the car.

"Get out of my house," he said. I stepped out onto the front porch. Charlie stayed right behind me.

"I don't want to see your face here again," he said fiercely. "You stay away from her, you hear me?

"Do you have any idea what you did to her? Leaving her like that, without a word, without a phone call, for all these months?"

His thoughts all swirled around Bella. The constant pain he had seen in her face every day, his pain at being unable to help her, not knowing what he could do to make her happy again.

"I am sorry, Charlie," I said. I deserved his anger. There was nothing I could do except to tell him how deeply I regretted what I had done. "I am so sorry. It was wrong, so wrong, to leave her. Please, give me the chance to make it up to her, and to you."

"I don't think so," he yelled, his face red with his anger. "Don't you ever step through my door again. I will not let her be hurt like that again."

I hung my head in shame.

"Please," I replied. "I am sorry."

I looked at him. "I'm sorry, Charlie," I said once more.

"Leave," he said, starting to calm down. "Just leave." Without another word, he went back in the house and slammed the door. As soon as I was certain that he couldn't see me, I waived goodbye to Emmett and Rosalie, then flashed up the front of the house, and slid Bella's window open. For the first time since I had left, I silently entered the tranquility of the only sanctuary in my world.

Fervent desire that she still loved me, still wanted me, was radiating in every frozen pore. I might still have a chance. Even though I did not deserve it, she might forgive me. Everything I had seen in Bella's face, in her actions had given me hope that she would take me back. And for as long as she would have me, I would be by her side. I would _never_ leave her again.


	5. Truth

**Author's Note: **This is my take on Edward's version of the some of the events that take place in Stephenie Meyer's _New Moon._ It is a retelling of large portions of the book, albeit from Edward's POV. Due to this, all dialogue and conversations from New Moon for which Edward and Bella are present together, have been faithfully incorporated exactly the way they appear in Stephenie Meyer's brilliant work of fiction. 

By the way, I truly appreciate the feedback I have received so far. Please keep it up. I especially do want to know if you read anything in my chapters that is out of character. I'm trying to get into Edward's head, and live his emotions, understand what makes him tick.

This 5th Chapter is called "Truth". It's pretty long, longer than all the others. This was done out of necessity, in a way. The first part revolves around Edward's thoughts and emotions while he watches Bella sleep, waiting for her to wake up. He has plenty of time to think through everything that happened in the past three days, all the repercussions his actions have caused, and the consequences he will have to live with. The second part is basically the actual chapter of "New Moon" by the same name, as I imagined Edward would experience it. When Bella wakes, Edward finally gets his chance to lay it all on the line, to tell her how he truly feels. The portion of this chapter for which Bella is asleep are obviously made up, but still based as closely as possible (I hope) on emotions, scenes and information gleaned from Stephenie's novels, her website, and other information readily available on many sites dedicated to the Twilight series.

Please, let's all be very clear on this: **This story is simply fan fiction.** **All rights to the Twilight series, the books, the characters, and anything related to Twilight, are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.** I have nothing but the utmost respect for this undeniably brilliant writer, whose amazing stories have completely and irrevocably sucked me into the Twilight Universe. I cannot even _hope_ to come anywhere _near_ her incomparable talent for story writing.

Thank you for your interest.

**5. Truth**

Bella was lying in her bed, curled up under her covers, on her side. Tucking the quilt around her to protect her from my cold skin, I laid down beside her, wrapping her in my arms, pulling her gently against me. I sighed with content. It was heaven. I buried my face in her long hair, breathing in her scent. Her heart beat was a steady rhythm. The most important sound in my world.

I realized again how very little my throat burned. The last three days had truly altered me. Living through thinking that Bella was dead, that I had lost her forever, had affected me deeply, not only mentally, but also physically. Deep down inside my frozen self, I had been changed once more. The thirst for her blood, thirst I'd always had to control so rigidly, was buried, its existence no longer a thought at the forefront of my mind.

Bella's warm lips on mine, her enthusiastic kisses, had always stirred up other hungers inside me, unfamiliar yearnings, feelings that made thinking straight extremely difficult. Even considering the now-muted burn, I would still have to be careful, of course, to stay in control, but I felt so much stronger now.

I had allowed myself on occasion to fantasize about taking our physical relationship further, but I had felt my tight hold on my self-control slipping every time we kissed.

"_Not that Bella's reactions had been at all helpful_," I chuckled quietly, but sobered up quickly.

No, it was just not possible. Too dangerous. I just couldn't afford to lose my control, to let my guard down. She was too breakable. Just one unthinking slip, one small mistake, would hurt her. Or much worse, kill her.

After a while, Bella stretched out of the tight ball, and pressed her body against mine. Did she realize, even asleep, that I was here with her? I kissed the top of her head. Happiness spread out from my silent heart, radiating to every cell in my body. I felt her body's heat against every line of mine. I was home.

From the living room, the sounds of the TV floated up the stairs. Charlie, watching baseball. He was deliberating what he would tell Bella when she woke up. He was wondering where she had been, and what she had been doing. He had been crazy with worry about her. Worries my irresponsible actions had caused.

Charlie considered sending Bella to Jacksonville. It hurt just to think about it. I couldn't let that happen. Could I? Should I? If Bella agreed to go back to live with her mother, would I follow her? She had stayed in Forks after I left, refusing her consent when her mother had come to take her to Florida. Knowing Bella, I didn't think she would give in now, even if he demanded it. But what if she didn't forgive me? Would my presence in Forks give her the incentive to go live with her mother?

I was desperate for answers, and at the same time, terrified to ask.

Charlie was making phone calls, talking to Billy Black and others, to let them know that Bella had returned. My thoughts turned to the werewolves, wincing silently. Bella had been in such danger, and I'd no idea. I felt sick. I should have been here, protecting her.

Alice had told me that Laurent had returned to the area, and, for some inexplicable reason, had happened to run into Bella. He had almost killed her. If it hadn't been for the wolves, showing up just in time to save her, she would have been dead. And even though the wolves had removed that threat, Victoria had also returned. In the last few weeks, they had protected Bella again and again from harm. Kept her alive. It rankled me to realize how much actually I owed the wolves. The enmity ran bone-deep; only the treaty my father had made long ago, with Ephraim Black, kept us from killing each other.

The wolves were a problem. Bella's friendship with Jacob Black meant she had spent a lot of time in their company. This was dangerous for her. Not safe. They shifted from human to wolf quickly, without any control over it. Anything could set them off. If Bella was standing too close when that happened, she could be hurt, or worse than anything, killed. I felt ill again, just thinking that. I would have to prevent her from seeing her werewolf friends.

But Victoria – why had _she_ come back? Why was she hunting Bella? That didn't make sense. Why would she keep trying to avenge her mate? Had they been that close, that she would feel the need for revenge? The one time I met her at the clearing, during our baseball game, she hadn't given me any hint that she would respond this way. Needless to say, I had been more concerned with James at the time; his reaction the larger threat. I shuddered, thinking of the other time I had almost lost Bella, the crescent scar on her hand a vivid reminder.

I hadn't seen depth of their bond, it seemed. I should have paid better attention, but I had been so focused on James' intentions. His sadistic game had culminated in his death, but it had been a close call. But Victoria? I shook my head slowly. What had she hidden from me? What else had I missed in those few moments in the clearing? Well, it didn't really matter. I was back now, and I would do whatever it took to keep Bella safe. Victoria would die – very soon.

Eventually, Charlie went to bed, his snores drifting across the hallway. I relaxed against Bella, holding her as close as I dared in order not to wake her. I shoved Victoria out of my thoughts and concentrated on the feeling of Bella's warm body next to mine.

I had always known, from the moment I fell in love with her, I would only have three options. The first one, hoping that Bella's feelings would lessen over time, had not materialized. Especially after Italy, I knew that much.

Option two had worked for a while. It had been the best option for me. The one that was easiest to live with. Leaving her human, because I could not destroy her soul. This option had exploded in my face on her disastrous eighteenth birthday.

I had allowed Jasper's loss of control to force me into choosing option three. Leaving Bella, hoping that by removing the vampires from her world, I would be able to save her. Thinking that she would move on after a while.

Choosing this third option had been the most horrendous mistake of my long life. I was now paying the price for that choice.

Would she take me back? Would I ever be able to make up for what I had done? How could I regain her trust, after everything my stupid choices had put her through?

I returned to Alice's visions, what I had seen in her head while she shared her thoughts with Aro. Over and over, again and again, she had shown him Bella, her face as pale as mine, with a hard stone body, and glowing crimson eyes. No matter which other decisions Alice considered, no matter which way she turned, every vision had shown Bella as one of us.

Beautiful, exquisitely beautiful. And, eternally damned, confined to a half-life.

It seemed that even my own determination to keep Bella human had not mattered. There had been no vision of Bella getting older.

And, I had seen one other thing. It had looked so fantastical, so impossible, so s_hocking_, but there had been one future I hadn't been prepared for. A vision of Bella, in a long, white wedding dress. Her eyes shining with love, walking slowly towards me on her father's arm, smiling at me, as I was waiting to marry her. That vision had been so staggering, so unbelievable, so unanticipated, it took my breath away. Marry Bella. Marry her, and make her mine forever. Show the world that she belonged with me, and nobody else. Sudden, fierce desire to have this particular vision come true shot through me.

"_Oh, Edward_," Bella sighed in her sleep. I smiled in anticipation, hoping I would hear the answers for which I was so desperate.

"_Edward.... Not dead... No, stop it, don't hurt him_," she moaned. Her breaths sped up, her heart beating fast. She rolled her head back and forth, tensing as if in fear. Was she having nightmares? She had seen such horrors in Italy, horrors I regretted so immensely. I tightened my arms around her, willing the nightmare to end.

After a little while, she relaxed again in my arms.

"_I love you, Edward...stay... don't leave_," she murmured, fast asleep.

These were the words I had been waiting for. Happiness, utter _joy_ spread through my whole body, seeming to warm me from the inside out.

"I love you, too," I whispered to the sleeping girl. "I love you, Bella. I will stay forever if you let me."

She didn't say anything else, and her breathing was slow and even again.

Not much time had passed, when she started stirring again. I watched her face, worried that the nightmares had returned. But it seemed that she was waking up.

Bella took a deep breath, her eyes still closed. I gently kissed her forehead.

She squeezed her eyes tightly for a moment. What did that mean?

With a sigh, she finally opened her eyes, and I returned her gaze.

"Oh," she gasped and put her fists over her eyes, shutting off my only access to even guess at what she was thinking. Was she scared?

She opened her eyes again. "Did I frighten you?" I asked anxiously.

She stared at me, blinking, the expressions on her face changing from surprise to fear and finally, chagrin.

"Oh, _crap_," she moaned. I didn't understand her reactions.

"What's wrong, Bella?"

She frowned at me, her face unhappy. My anxiety level increased. She didn't want me here, did she? I was a fool to think she still wanted me.

"I'm dead, right?" she moaned again. What? No, she wasn't. Of course, she wasn't. Why would she think that?

"I _did_ drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is gonna kill Charlie."

I frowned at her. She almost had drowned. If it hadn't been for Jacob Black pulling her out of the water...

"You're not dead," I said.

"Then why am I not waking up?" she demanded, raising her eyebrows. That made no sense either. Did she think she was still sleeping? Her dreams must be very vivid if she couldn't tell them apart from reality.

"You _are _awake, Bella," I tried again.

She shook her head. "Sure, sure. That's what you want me to think. And then it will be worse when I do wake up. _If _I wake up, which I won't, because I'm dead. This is awful. Poor Charlie. And Renee and Jake..."

Her face was horrified. She must think she was still dreaming. What did she think she had done that would send her to hell if she died? She would go to heaven, a place forever barred to me.

"I can see where you might confuse me with a nightmare," I said, my smile grim. The processes of her silent mind were as baffling as ever. "But I can't imagine what you could have done to wind up in hell. Did you commit many murders while I was away?"

"Obviously not," she replied, grimacing. "If I was in hell, you wouldn't be with me."

I sighed. She had it backwards, as usual.

Heat colored her cheeks, and it was so lovely. "Did all of that really happen, then?" she asked me, incredulity in her voice.

I thought of the horrors she had seen, the dangers I had exposed her to, and my smile was hard. "That depends," I told her. "If you're referring to us nearly being massacred in Italy, then, yes."

"How strange," she said. "I really went to Italy. Did you know I'd never been farther east than Albuquerque?"

Her disjointed musings had me roll my eyes. "Maybe you should go back to sleep," I teased. "You're not coherent."

"I'm not tired anymore," she disagreed. "What time is it? How long have I been sleeping?"

She had been so exhausted. "It's just after one in the morning," I answered her question. "So, about fourteen hours." And I had spent every minute of that time with her. Not that she knew that. Yet.

She was stretching. "Charlie?" she asked. I frowned, reminded of his words to me.

"Sleeping. You should probably know that I'm breaking the rules right now. Well, not technically, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came in the window...But, still, the intent was clear." Would he ever allow me back into the house? Would my time with her be restricted to those hours when I could sneak in her window, while he was sleeping?

"Charlie banned you from the house?" Bella asked, her face changing from disbelief to anger.

I looked at her. "Did you expect anything else?" I asked her, my eyes betraying the sadness I was feeling.

Her eyes flashed. She was quiet for a moment. I waited for her next question.

"What's the story?" she continued, curiosity in her voice. Which story did she mean? What happened in Italy? Could she want me to retell those horrors? Or, did she want to know what I had been doing while I was away? Was I ready to tell her that?

"What do you mean?"

"What am I telling Charlie? What's my excuse for disappearing for...how long was I gone, anyway?"

Oh. "Just three days," I responded. Three days, during which she had been in mortal danger, seen horrors I never meant for her to see. Three days I had caused with my irrational act of running to Italy, when I had thought she was dead. I silently cursed Rosalie again. Her call had been the catalyst.

"Actually," I continued, "I was hoping you might have a good explanation. I've got nothing."

Bella groaned. "Fabulous."

I was chagrined. "Well, maybe Alice will come up with something," I tried to comfort her.

Charlie was very fond of my sister. If anyone could get him to change his mind about my presence in his house, it would be Alice.

"So," Bella went on. "What have you been doing, up until three days ago?"

I was instantly wary. I didn't really want to answer that question, didn't want to tell her of my unsuccessful attempts at tracking Victoria, reminding her of that particular danger. I was also a little reluctant to tell her how miserable I had been without her. And still, on the other hand, I wanted her to know the truth, needed her to know how much I had missed her, how much I still loved her.

I decided to hedge a bit.

"Nothing terribly interesting," I replied, hoping she would move on to her next question.

"Of course not," she mumbled, frowning.

"Why are you making that face?" I demanded, not understanding the frown.

"Well," she said, pursing her lips. "If you were, after all, just a dream that's exactly the kind of think you would say. My imagination must be used up."

I sighed. How could she think she was still dreaming? I tried again to convince her she was awake.

"If I tell you, will you finally believe that you're not having a nightmare?"

"Nightmare," she said hotly. I waited for her to answer. "Maybe," she said after a moment. "If you tell me."

Still hedging, I told her a half-truth. "I was... hunting."

"Is that the best you can do?" she scoffed. "That definitely doesn't prove I'm awake."

She was right. I owed her the truth. I chose my words carefully.

"I wasn't hunting for food...I was actually trying my hand at... tracking," I forced out the last word. "I'm not very good at it." That last bit was an understatement.

"What were you tracking?" she asked.

"Nothing of consequence," I said, upset that I wouldn't be able to avoid the answer. I was uncomfortable, not wanting to say Victoria's name. Bella scrutinized my expression.

"I don't understand," she said.

I was torn between needing to tell her how sorry I was about her having to face Victoria without me, and wanting to protect her from further nightmares. I decided on the former. She needed to know.

"I...," I started, and taking a deep breath, I let the truth rush out of me. "I owe you an apology. No, of course I owe you much, much more than that. But you have to know," - the words were flowing faster, and I hoped she would be able to keep up - "that I had no idea. I didn't realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought it was safe for you here. So safe. I had no idea that Victoria would come back. I'll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying much more attention to James' thoughts. But I just didn't see that she had this kind of response in her. That she even had such a tie to him. I think I realize why now – she was so sure of him, the thought of him failing never occurred to her. It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings about him – that kept me from seeing the depth of them, the bond there." I'd had plenty of time to think about that while I was watching Bella sleep.

There was more she needed to hear so I continued. "Not that there's any excuse for what I left you to face." I would never be able to make it up to her, even if I lived forever.

"When I heard what you told Alice – what she saw herself – when I realized that you had to put your life in the hands of _werewolves_, immature, volatile, the worst thing out there besides Victoria herself," I shuddered, unable to continue for a moment. It was terrifying to just think about the tremendous danger Bella had been in.

"Please know that I had no idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see and feel you safe in my arm. I am the most miserable excuse for---"

"Stop," she interrupted my apology. I stared at her, agonizing over what I had done to her, what I had allowed to happen. "Edward," she continued. "This has to stop now. You can't think of things that way. You can let this....this _guilt_...rule your life. You can't take responsibility for the things that happen to me here. None of it is your fault, it's just part of how life _is_ for me. So, if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time, you have to realize that it's not your job to take the blame. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me. Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and _not your fault_. I know it's in your... your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really can't let that make you go to such extremes. It's very irresponsible – think of Esme and Carlisle and - "

She stopped her tirade then, and inhaled deeply. I was horrified. Was _that_ what she thought? That I had gone to Italy out of guilt? Did she not know me at all? It was absurd. Had she forgotten, what I had told her?

"Isabella Marie Swan," I whispered. "Do you believe I asked the Volturi to kill me _because I felt guilty_?" How could she believe that?

Incomprehension washed over her face. "Didn't you?"

More than she would ever know. "Feel guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend."

"Then... what are you saying? I don't understand."

I needed to make myself clearer. I stared into her eyes, willing her to believe me.

"Bella, I went to the Volturi because I thought you were dead," I said, my voice fierce. "Even if I'd had no hand in your death," I whispered the last word with a shudder, "even if it _wasn't_ my fault," - and it clearly had been - , "I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful – I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather then accepting it secondhand from Rosalie. But, really, what was I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the funeral?" I tried to defend my indefensible actions. "What are the odds?

"The odds," I was suddenly distracted, thinking of all the errors I had made, all the hurt and pain I had caused. I cursed the fate that had led to all this. "The odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake." Mine, all mine. "I'll never criticize Romeo again."

"But I still don't understand," Bella said. "That's my whole point. So what?"

What did she _mean_? Had she not been listening at all? "Excuse me?" I said.

"So what if I _was _dead?" she asked.

I stared at her, incredulous at her lack of comprehension. "Don't you remember anything I told you before?"

"I remember _everything_ that you told me," she replied.

I was not convinced. I gently brushed my fingertip against her lower lip.

"Bella, you seem to be under a misapprehension." I began, closing my eyes, shaking my head slowly. She didn't know how I felt because she still believed the lies. "I thought I had explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist."

"I am...confused," she replied, her face full of doubt at my words.

"I am a good liar, Bella, I have to be." Decade after decade of lies had made me an expert. But Bella had always seen through me. What was making it so difficult now?

She had frozen at my words, her muscles locking into a rigid posture. She wasn't breathing.

I shook her shoulder, gently, trying to get her to relax.

"Let me finish!" I said. "I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly." I winced at the memory of the tortured expressions on her face, when I had told her goodbye. "That was.... excruciating."

She was still not moving. I pressed on with the truth. "When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye..." The memory was painful. My voice dropped to a low whisper. I deeply regretted lying to her, regretted hurting her. "You weren't going to let go, I could see that. I didn't want to do it – it felt like it would kill me to do it – but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought _I'd _moved on, so would you." And I had been wrong, so wrong. Would she forgive me?

"A clean break," she whispered, unmoving.

"Exactly." Those were the words I had used. Of course, she remembered. "But I never imagined that it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible – that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm sorry – sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry.

"But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you that I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?"

Bella still hadn't moved. I tried again to loosen her rigid pose. "Bella," I sighed. "Really, what were you thinking?"

She burst into tears. "I knew it," she cried. "I _knew _I was dreaming."

This was completely absurd. "You're impossible," I said. "How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here, and I love you. I _have_ always loved you, and I _will _always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."

She shook her head, the tears continuing to flow from her eyes.

"You don't believe me, do you?" I whispered, thinking frantically of any other way to make her see I was telling the truth. "Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?"

"It never made sense for you to love me," she replied. "I always knew that."

My eyes narrowed. Would she ever understand how completely and irrevocably I loved her? Would she ever see herself clearly?

"I'll prove you're awake." Maybe if I kissed her, she would finally believe. I gently took her face between my hands, ignoring her struggles to pull away, carefully leaning in to press my lips to hers. She understood my intention.

"Please don't," she whispered. I stopped when her words reached my mind.

"Why not?" I wanted to know, fresh pain at her rejection piercing my silent heart.

"When I wake up," Bella began. I opened my mouth to interrupt that train of thought, but she noticed and quickly went on. "Okay, forget that one – when you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this, too."

I pulled back a little, staring at her face. She thought I would leave her again. She was wrong, thinking that. But, she said it would be hard if I did. Did that mean she still wanted me? Now was the time to find out. I decided to make myself completely vulnerable, put my life entirely in her hands, more than I ever had_. _She had to see the truth. Once and for all.

"Yesterday, when I would touch you, so were so...hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late? Because I've hurt you too much? Because you _have _moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be... quite fair." That particular thought brought on a new round of anguish. "I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please – just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?"

I held my breath, waiting for her answer.

"What kind of idiotic question is that?" she demanded. But it was the one question I needed her to answer the most. Did she truly still love me?

"Just answer, it. Please."

She stared at me for a long moment. I waited impatiently.

"The way I feel about you will never change. Of course I love you – and there's nothing you can do about it!"

Yes! She still loved me. She still wanted me. "That's all I needed to hear," I said and pressed my lips to hers. I kissed her hungrily, urgently, my fingers cupping her face, stroking her cheeks. I had wanted to do that for so long.

Bella responded in kind. Her lips shaped themselves around mine, and she was kissing me back. Her fingers touched my face, too. Overwhelming happiness coursed through me. "Bella, Bella, oh Bella," I whispered over and over between kisses. Though I felt the burn, I was in control. It was exhilarating. Bella's breathing sped, her heart beginning to drum quickly and loudly. I dragged out the sweetness of the moment for as long as I dared, and then pulled away to lay my ear against her heart. Bella's pulse was racing, and she was breathing heavily. As was I.

I waited for her heart to slow. "By the way," I said lightly. "I'm not leaving you."

She didn't respond, her silence indicating that she was still skeptical, did not believe the sincerity of my words. Now seemed like a good time to explain my reasons for why I had left. I stared into her eyes, trying to convey the truth of my words.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not without you." I was serious now. "I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I could see what I was doing to you – keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in, risking your life every moment I was with you. So I had to try. I had to do _something_, and it seemed like leaving was the only way. If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could have never made myself leave. I'm much too selfish. Only _you_ could be more important than what I wanted... what I needed. What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave again. I have too many excuses to stay – thank heaven for that! It seems you _can't_ be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us."

"Don't promise me anything," Bella whispered.

She didn't trust me. I fully deserved that. But how could she look at me and not believe the sincerity, the truthfulness of what I was telling her? How could she not believe I truly meant what I said? "You think I'm lying to you now?" I asked angrily.

"No – not lying," she replied. "You could mean it...now. But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left in the first place?"

But I _had_ already thought about all those reasons, while I was curled up miserably in my last hiding place, and they no longer applied.

"Or next month," she continued, "when Jasper takes a snap at me?"

I flinched at the words, and the far-reaching consequences of my brother's moment of weakness.

"It isn't as if you hadn't thought the first decision through, is it? You'll end up doing what you think is right."

"I'm not as strong as you give me credit for," I answered her, thinking of the days I had spent under the rotting beams in the attic in Brazil. I decided to tell her how unendurable my life had been in those months without Bella, laying bare the utter misery of my non-existent life without her. Maybe _that_ would convince her. Nothing else seemed to have worked so far.

"Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me; I was coming back anyway. Before Rosalie told me the news, I was already past trying to live through one week at a time, or even one day. I was fighting to make it through a single hour. It was only a matter of time – and not much of it – before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back. I'd be happy to beg now, if you'd like that."

"Be serious, please," she grimaced.

"Oh, I am," I insisted, glaring at her. Good grief, what would it _take _to convince her just how serious I was?

I studied the expressions on her face, waiting to make sure she was really listening this time. When I was satisfied that she was paying attention, I tried an analogy.

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars – points of light and reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen across the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

Did she believe me now?

"Your eyes will adjust," she mumbled.

Apparently not.

"That's just the problem – they can't."

"What about your distractions?"

She remembered that, of course. I laughed once.

"Just part of the lie, love. There was no distraction from the... the _agony_. My heart hasn't beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone – like I was hollow. Like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you."

"That's funny," she muttered.

Excuse me? I raised an eyebrow. "Funny?"

"I meant strange," she hastened to explain. "I thought it was just me. Lots of pieces of me went missing, too. I haven't been able to really breathe in so long." As if to prove her point, she took a deep breath.

"And my heart. That was definitely lost."

Oh. That I understood. I had caused her so much heartache. My eyes closed and I laid my head down over her heart again. It was beating steadily, as if to confirm its return. The most significant sound in my world. I sighed as she pressed her cheek against my head, enjoying the peacefulness of the moment.

"Tracking wasn't a distraction, then?" she asked after a minute.  
"No," I sighed. "That was never a distraction. It was an obligation." Victoria was going to pay the price for helping James, for almost getting Bella killed. I had hoped to track her down and take care of her myself. I hadn't expected her to come back to Forks.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that, even though I never expected any danger from Victoria, I wasn't going to let her get away with...Well, like I said, I was horrible at it," I confessed. I had completely failed Bella in that aspect as well. "I traced her as far as Texas, but then I followed a false lead down to Brazil – and really she came here." While I had been curled up in an attic in Rio, Victoria had been hunting Bella, here in Forks. I groaned at the memory. "I wasn't even on the right continent! And all the while worse than my worse fears..."

"You were hunting _Victoria_?" Bella shrieked, her voice rising through two octaves.

Why was Bella so enraged at my confession? Was it because I had failed to find Victoria? Failed Bella in my misguided attempt to track down the immortal who had tried to harm her?

"Not well," I admitted, still confused at Bella's reaction. Why was she angry with me? My seething hate of Victoria broke through."But I'll do better this time. She won't be tainting perfectly good air by breathing in and out much longer."

"That is... out of the question," Bella informed me, sounding like she was choking on the words. What did _that_ mean? Did she _want _Victoria to find her? Or, perhaps, though unlikely, was she worried about my safety when I finally faced the vampire who had threatened to harm my only love? I was confused again, but tried to explain anyway. "It's too late for her. I might have let the other time slide, but not now, not after..."

Bella interrupted me again. "Didn't you just promise that you weren't going to leave?" she asked me. "That isn't exactly compatible with an extended tracking expedition, is it?"

I frowned. I had promised her that, and I had meant it, too. I was never leaving her again, but I would not allow this threat to hang over her head. I could feel a snarl starting to build, threatening to escape. "I will keep my promise, Bella. But Victoria" - the snarl broke through - "is going to die. Soon."

"Let's not be hasty, "she said. "Maybe she's not coming back. Jake's pack probably scared her off. There's really no reason to go looking for her. Besides, I've got bigger problems than Victoria."

My eyes narrowed at her reasoning, but of course, she was right again. Her proximity to the wolves posed a serious issue. I nodded. "It's true. The werewolves are a problem." I wondered how I would be able to convince her to stay away from them.

Bella snorted. "I wasn't talking about _Jacob_. My problems are a lot worse than a handful of adolescent wolves getting themselves into trouble."

I was about to inform her of her error, but her refusal to acknowledge the danger the wolves posed to her safety made my teeth snap together. And what did she mean, her problems were bigger than Victoria? Did she not understand the threat? Her utter disregard for danger was infuriating. It wasn't anything new, but why did she continuously undermine my every effort to keep her safe?

"Really?" I asked her through clenched teeth. "Then what would be your greatest problem? That would make Victoria's returning for you seem like such an inconsequential matter in comparison?"

"How about the second greatest?" she replied. There was more than one? What could she mean by _that_? "All right," I agreed, my curiosity flaring, tensing in anticipation of her answer.

"There are others who are coming to look for me," she said after a moment's pause.

Oh. I relaxed my rigid pose. Of course. She was afraid of the Volturi. Not that I blamed her. She had seen horrors in Italy that nobody should ever have to see. I sighed. Horrors I had exposed her to, through my foolish actions. But I disagreed with her assessment of that threat. While it was certainly something to be concerned about, I didn't think we'd have to worry about it anytime soon. And if they were only the second in line in her estimation, what would her biggest problem be? I was extremely curious.

"The Volturi are only the _second_ greatest?" I asked her.

"You don't seem that upset about it," she pointed out. I tried to calm her fears. "Well, we have plenty of time to think it through... Time means something very different to them than it does to you, or even me. They count years the way you count days. I wouldn't be surprised if you were thirty before you crossed their minds again." I said casually. Besides, even if they thought of her sooner, I didn't think Demetri would be able to find her. His tracking ability was dependent on his grasp of the person's mind, and Aro's experiment had made me confident that Demetri couldn't get a read on Bella.

Bella's face was horrified, the tears starting to ooze out of her eyes again. What was wrong? I had meant to assure her, but obviously failed. "You don't have to be afraid," I said anxiously. "I won't let them hurt you."

"While you're here," she said.

Did she truly need more convincing? I took her face gently between my hands and stared deeply into her eyes, willing her to see the truth. "I will never leave you again," I said forcefully.

"But you said _thirty_," she whispered, the tears beginning to run down her face. "What? You're going to stay, but let me get all old anyway? Right."

Oh. That's what she meant. My eyes softened. The old argument. Her misguided desire to give up her mortality and become one of us. One of the eternally damned. Not an option. She was staying human, if I had anything to do with it. I remembered Alice's visions. Absolutely not.

"That's exactly what I'm going to do. What choice have I? I cannot be without you, but I will not destroy your soul."

"Is this really...?" she began, and her face was drawn. I prompted her to continue. "Yes?"

"But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother? Your _grandmother_?" Her expression changed to revulsion.

She was worried about _that_? I kissed the tears of her cheeks. "That doesn't mean anything to me," I whispered against her skin. "You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world. Of course...," I flinched, hesitating. My greatest fear – that she would want, would need more than I could give her. Would she decide to leave me at some point in the future? There were so many things I wouldn't be able to give her. How could I deny her what she needed? "If you outgrew _me_ – if you wanted something more – I would understand, Bella. I promise I wouldn't stand in your way if you wanted to leave me." I had no idea how I would be able to stand it if that came to pass, but Bella deserved to get whatever she needed from life.

"You do realize that I'll die eventually, right?" she said, sarcastically. But I had already dealt with that situation. I would do the same as I had before, when I erroneously thought she was forever lost to me.

"I'll follow after as soon as I can," I answered her.

"That is seriously... sick." Maybe in her estimation, it was. But I wouldn't live without her again – ever.

"Bella, it's the only right way left..." I tried to explain, but she immediately interrupted me.

"Let's just back up for a minute," she said angrily. "You remember the Volturi, right? I can't stay human forever. They'll kill me. Even if they don't think of me until I'm _thirty_, do you really think they'll forget?"

"No," I answered slowly, shaking my head. "They won't forget. But..." I thought of Demetri again. No, he wouldn't be able to find Bella. "But?" she prompted.

I grinned, utterly convinced I was right. "I have a few plans."

"And these plans," she said, her voice becoming more and more sarcastic, "these plans all center around me staying human."

I glared at her, my face hard again at her obstinacy of clinging to this ridiculous argument. She didn't understand what she would be giving up. "Naturally," I said, brusque, though I regretted that immediately. She glowered right back at me, not at all swayed by my anger, it seemed.

She took a deep breath and pushed my arms away, sitting up. What now? She had never done _that_ before, and it frightened me. "Do you want me to leave?" I asked her. Just imagining the possibility that she would respond in the affirmative was painful.

"No," she told me. "I'm leaving."

She was leaving? Where did she think she was going? It was the middle of the night!

She climbed out of the bed, looking for her shoes. I was beginning to get suspicious. She had a very pronounced stubborn streak, and her actions now were not foreboding of anything I would approve of. I thought of what Alice had promised her.

"May I ask where you are going?" I asked.

"I'm going to your house," she retorted. I got up and went to her side, my suspicions confirmed.

"Here are your shoes," I handed them to her. "How do you plan to get there?"

"My truck," she said. Practical as always. I tried to deter her from her plan. "That will probably wake Charlie."

She sighed. "I know," she said. "But honestly, I'll be grounded for weeks as it is. How much more trouble can I really get in?"

Good point. Besides, Charlie would likely lay the responsibility at my feet. "None. He'll blame me, not you."

"If you have a better idea, I'm all ears."

"Stay here," I said, but I didn't really think she would listen.

"No dice. But you go ahead and make yourself at home." She headed for the door. I flashed around her, blocking her way. I wasn't hopeful that it would stop her.

As expected, she was determined. Frowning at me, she turned towards her window. I grimaced. What, was she really thinking of jumping down?

I gave up trying to prevent her leaving. It was probably better anyway if I was there when she attempted to get Alice to honor her promise. I would at least be able to try to prevent it. I worried a little about Jasper. His deeply ingrained desire to give Alice whatever she wanted would make prevention a bit difficult.

I sighed. "Okay," I said. "I'll give you a ride." Bella was just too stubborn for her own good.

"Either way," she shrugged. "But you probably _should _be there, too."

This confused me. It didn't mesh with my suspicions. "And why is that?"

"Because you're extraordinarily opinionated, and I'm sure you'll want a chance to air your views," she explained.

I bridled a tad at her assessment of me. It was entirely true, of course, but nonetheless not actually appreciated. "My views on which subject?" I retorted through my teeth.

"This isn't just about you anymore. You're not the center of the universe. If you're going to bring the Volturi down on us over something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say."

Nothing they could possibly say would make me change my mind. Besides, Bella's humanity wasn't going to be a matter subject to democratic decision-making. My anger flared up.

"A say in what?" I asked, and immediately felt idiotic for asking. Did I really want to hear her answer?

"My mortality. I'm putting it to a vote."

I wished I hadn't asked.


	6. Proposed

**Author's Note: **This is my take on Edward's version of the some of the events that take place in Stephenie Meyer's _New Moon._ It is a retelling of large portions of the book, albeit from Edward's POV. Due to this, all dialogue and conversations from New Moon for which Edward and Bella are present together, have been faithfully incorporated exactly the way they appear in Stephenie Meyer's brilliant work of fiction. Please see my disclaimer below. 

By the way, I truly appreciate the feedback I have received so far. Please keep it up. I especially do want to know if you read anything in my chapters that is out of character. I'm trying to get into Edward's head, and live his emotions, understand what makes him tick.

This 6th Chapter is called "Proposed". It's again pretty long. This was once again done out of necessity. Unlike chapter 5, I did not follow the chapter naming convention from "New Moon" where it is called "Vote". I did this for the following reason: While the actual vote matters most to Bella, and therefore the name of the chapter makes perfect sense from her POV, what I think matters more to Edward is the marriage proposal he extends to her. In my imagination, after the vote at his house, he slowly comes to terms with the fact that he won't be able to change Bella's mind. She is determined to join his family, to be changed into a vampire herself. Edward is looking for time. And then, though his reason for proposing comes out of his own, purely selfish, desire to secure her hand, he hits on the one thing that delays her. I had fun putting myself in his shoes, fleshing out how I thought he would react. I also thoroughly enjoyed myself writing the confrontation between Bella and her father, for which Edward is eavesdropping from the closet.

As before, this chapter is still based as closely as possible (I hope) on emotions, scenes and information gleaned from Stephenie's novels, her website, and other information readily available on many sites dedicated to the Twilight series.

**Disclaimer: **Please, let's all be very clear on this: **This story is simply fan fiction. All rights to the Twilight series, the books, the characters, and anything related to Twilight, are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.** I have nothing but the utmost respect for this undeniably brilliant writer, whose amazing stories have completely and irrevocably sucked me into the Twilight Universe. I cannot even _hope_ to come anywhere _near_ her incomparable talent for story writing.

Thank you for your interest. For those of you who have been following this story, I am working on the final chapter, the epilogue. It will be much shorter (I think), and will be called "Warned".

**6. Proposed**

I was seething with disapproval, but there really was no further point to arguing with her. I took Bella into my arms, and sprang from her window, carefully landing on the ground, in order not to jostle her.

"All right, then," I said, displeasure coloring my voice, as I helped her onto my back. "Up you go." As soon as her arms and legs were securely locked around me, I took off towards home. Bella's chin rested on my shoulder, her cheek against my neck. I was momentarily distracted again by the feeling of her skin against mine.

While I ran through the nighttime forest, I was plotting, guessing at how she would present her case to my family, and what their response would be.

I was fairly sure that Alice would agree with Bella, and Jasper would follow Alice's lead, as he always did. I also had a pretty good idea how Rosalie would vote. She absolutely hated this life, her immortality, and clung with obstinacy to her human memories. Her jealousy of Bella, and her petty irritation with me for choosing Bella over her, would also be a factor in my favor. Emmett was much easier to please. He'd had no problem adjusting to the new life he had woken up to, and liked having Bella around. He would probably vote for her. So would Esme, most likely. She looked at us as her children, and loved us all fiercely. She'd been ecstatic when I fell in love with Bella.

That left Carlisle. His abhorrence to violence, and his reluctance to condemn anyone else to this half-life, someone who had another choice, was a huge factor in my favor. But he also loved Bella, and knew how much I needed her. I didn't know how he would decide.

The threat from the Volturi certainly wasn't what Bella thought it to be. If she had pinned her hopes on that alone, I had a good argument to sway the vote towards my side. Her silent mind would prevent Demetri from tracking her, like it had protected her from Aro and Jane.

But either way, it should be my decision whether Bella would join the family as one of us, and I was strongly opposed to it. Even if Carlisle were right; but I had no proof of that, and her soul was far too important to me to risk on faith alone.

Out of the blue, Bella pressed her soft lips on my neck. "Thank you," I said, thrilled that she had initiated the kiss, perfectly aware that it was for the first time since our reunion. "Does this mean you've decided that you're awake?" I teased her.

Bella laughed, and the sound of her laughter was a symphony in my ears. "Not really," she said. "More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."

"I will earn your trust back somehow," I muttered. "If it's my final act."

"I trust _you_," she replied. "It's me I don't trust."

"Explain that, please," I said, confused. She didn't trust herself? What did that mean?

We were almost at the house, so I slowed down and started walking.

"Well," she said slowly, "I don't trust myself to be... enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could _hold_ you."

She really didn't see herself clearly at all. The ties with which she had unwittingly bound me to herself would never resolve on their own. I stopped walking and gently pulled her off my back to face me. I hugged her tightly to my chest. "Your hold is permanent and unbreakable," I said softly. "Never doubt that."

Before she could contradict my statement, I tried to distract her with a question she hadn't answered yet. "You never did tell me...," I murmured in her ear.

"What?"

"What your greatest problem is," I finished

"I'll give you one guess." She sighed, and touched the tip of my nose with her finger.

I hadn't thought of that, but I nodded. "I'm worse than the Volturi," I said bleakly. "I guess I've earned that."

She rolled her eyes at me. "The worst the Volturi can do is kill me."

What could be worse than that? I waited anxiously for her to continue, staring into her eyes.

"You can leave me. The Volturi, Victoria... they're nothing compared to that."

Fresh anguish flooded my frozen heart, my face distorting in pain at her words. I had hurt her so deeply, so completely. Had lost her trust, to the extent that she didn't believe me at all anymore; her already low self-esteem in tatters on the ground. She _still _thought I would leave her again.

"Don't," she whispered, touching her fingers to my face. "Don't be sad."

But how could I not be? I intensely regretted all the pain I had put her through, regretted it like nothing else I had ever done. "If there was only some way to make you see that I _can't_ leave you," I whispered fervently, silently willing her to really hear the truthfulness of my words. "Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you."

"Okay," she replied. How much time would need to pass before she truly realized that I couldn't live without her?

"So – since you're staying. Can I have my stuff back?" Bella asked lightly.

I laughed, though I was still wrestling with the guilt and shame. "Your things were never gone," I said. "I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets – they're all under your floorboards."

"_Really_?" Bella said, sounding very pleased.

I nodded, cheered by her reaction to this revelation, half a smile on my face, my mind still struggling to come to terms with the extent of the pain I had caused her.

"I think," she slowly said, "I'm not sure, but I wonder... I think maybe I knew it the whole time."

"What did you know?" I asked her, slightly confused.

"Some part of me, my subconscious, maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died. That's probably why I was hearing the voices."

I was stunned. "Voices?" I asked, my tone flat, trying to figure out what she was talking about.

"Well, just one voice. Yours. It's a long story."

Her tone made me instantly wary. This was not something I had gotten a glimpse of from Alice, which made me believe Bella hadn't shared this particular experience with my sister. And if Bella had kept this to herself, it probably wasn't anything I would approve of or appreciate. "I've got time," I said, making my voice as even as possible.

"It's pretty pathetic," she said. I couldn't imagine so, but waited silently.

"Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?" she asked.

Her little stunt at the beach. She'd almost drowned. "You jumped off a cliff for fun," I said, my voice without inflection.

"Er, right. And before that, with the motorcycle..."

"Motorcycle?" I fought to keep my voice calm, seething underneath the surface at this new revelation. What else had she kept from Alice?

"I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part."

"No." I could hardly wait to find out. Hadn't she promised to do nothing stupid or reckless?

"Well, about that... See, I found that....when I was doing something dangerous or stupid...I could remember you more clearly," she admitted. I listened, too shocked to say anything.

"I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly, I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much – I twas like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt. And well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because underneath it all, I always knew that you hadn't stopped loving me."

If my heart hadn't already been dead and frozen, it would have stopped right there, as I listened to her explanation. I could barely get the words out of my mouth. "You... were...risking your life...to hear..."

"Shh," she interrupted. "Hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here."

I was still too anxious to move. She had put herself in danger to imagine she was hearing my voice? Of all the foolish, ridiculous reasons, _this_ was why she had done all those stupid things? Nearly drowned in the ocean, just to hear my voice in her head? A very small, but entirely insensible part of me was rejoicing, just to think that the sound of my voice was that important to her. That she loved me that much. I banished the thought.

"Oh," she said.

"Bella?" I prompted, wishing for the umpteenth time that I were able to read her mind.

"Oh. Okay. I see."

"Your epiphany?" I couldn't take the suspense any longer.

"You love me," she said, with conviction in her voice.

Oh. She finally understood. Finally believed. "Truly, I do," I smiled at her, relieved that, at last, she had figured it out. Yes, I loved her. Always. Forever.

And then I reached for her face, and kissed her with all the passion and love I felt for her. When her heartbeat became too rapid, I pulled away and leaned my forehead against her, breathing harder than usual myself.

There was one more illustration I thought she needed, though telling her made me feel a little awkward. "You were better at it than I was, you know," I started by giving her credit.

"Better at what?"

"Surviving," I explained. "You at least made an effort. You got up in the morning , tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was... totally useless. I couldn't be around my family – I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me." I grinned at her self-consciously, letting my love for her shine out of my eyes. Would she think me insane? "It was much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that too," I teased.

"I only heard one voice," she corrected me. I laughed, and pulled her against me.

We were almost at the house. I refocused on why we were here to begin with. I wanted to get this family meeting over with and get her back home. "I'm just humoring you with this." I motioned towards the house, determined to make it clear that it was my vote that counted. "It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say."

"This affects them now, too," Bella replied. I just shrugged, unconcerned.

We entered the house through the open front door. I turned on the lights so Bella would be able to see. My family was upstairs. I called them down. Carlisle, having heard us enter, rushed down the stairs.

"Welcome back, Bella," he greeted her, smiling. "What can we do for you this morning. I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?"

Bella nodded at him. "I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay. About something important."

"_What's this about, Edward? Alice already told us about the commitment she gave the Volturi. Is that why you're here_?" I looked at him, my face passive, and nodded once.

"Of course," Carlisle replied to Bella. "Why don't we talk in the other room?"

The rest of my family was coming downstairs as well, as Carlisle led Bella into the dining room, turning the lights on in there as well. He held out a chair for her at the head of the table. _His_ usual spot.

Esme entered the room, followed by the others. Carlisle had sat down on Bella's right, so I took the chair to her left. If I was reading her face correctly, she was nervous, and I wanted to be able to hold her hand, while she presented her case. Not that it mattered what she would tell them to convince them to agree with her. This was _not_ something in which they would have a say.

They all sat down, Alice grinning at Bella. I saw that she already knew what Bella was there for, having seen it as soon as Bella had made her decision to come here. Annoying.

Emmett and Jasper were curious, as was Rosalie. She actually smiled at Bella, timidly, still grateful to have gained forgiveness for her petty actions. I wondered how long that would last.

"The floor is yours," Carlisle nodded at Bella. I took her hand in mine, and lightly squeezed to calm her nerves, while looking fiercely at the members of my family. This was _not_ their decision. Besides, I had an ace up my sleeve Alice knew nothing about.

"Well," Bella began, "I'm hoping that Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?"

"Everything," Alice confirmed Bella's question.

"And on the way?" Bella continued. I knew the meaning behind the look she threw at Alice.

"That, too," Alice nodded.

"Good," Bella said. "Then we're all on the same page."

Silence. They all looked at Bella expectantly.

"So, I have a problem," Bella began her explanation. "Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing – something to avoid.

She looked at everyone around the table, starting with Carlisle, ending with me. "And so, now this involves you all. I'm sorry about that." I grimaced. Rosalie was already furiously trying to catch my eye, yelling pleasantries at me in her head. I tuned her out for the moment, paying attention to what Bella was saying, waiting for my chance to refute her argument.

"But, if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not."

"_Of course, we want you._" Esme opened her mouth to speak the words, but Bella noticed and stopped her. "Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don't want me, then... I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have _them_ coming _here_."

I looked at her in disbelief. Was she _deranged_? Did she really think I would _let_ her go back to Volterra? I felt a growl building in my chest, but I choked it back. It sounded like she was almost done. And then it would be my chance to set the record straight.

"Taking into account, then," Bella continued, "that I won't be put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire." Having laid the issue on the table, figuratively, she gestured to Carlisle.

My turn. "Just a minute," I injected quickly. Bella glared at me. I raised my eyebrows and squeezed her hand again. "I have something to add before we vote." Bella sighed. I suppressed a grin. "About the danger Bella's referring to," I continued, "I don't think we need to be overly anxious. You see," I said, enthusiastic now, looking around the table at the expectant faces, "there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to clue them in." I grinned at my family. Alice was skeptical. "Which was?"

"The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason," I continued. "When they decide to find someone, it's not really a problem. You remember Demetri?" I glanced at Bella. She shuddered in response.

"He finds people – that's his talent, that's why they keep him," I explained. "Now, the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker – a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the... flavor? I don't know how to describe it... the tenor... of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances. But after Aro's little experiment, well..." I shrugged.

"You think he won't be able to find me," Bella finished my sentence. I was feeling very smug. "I'm sure of it," I said. "He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind."

"And how does that solve anything?" Bella asked, petulantly.

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and then I'll hide you," I replied a little arrogantly. I had to admit to myself that I was really enjoying this, in a self-satisfied way. Bella's little plan wasn't going to work. I would make sure of that. "They'll be helpless. It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack."

"_Awesome_!" Emmett grinned at me. I glanced at him and grinned back.

"But they can find you," Bella tried again. I had an answer for that, too.

"And I can take care of myself." I was grinning openly now. Emmett laughed.

"Excellent plan, my brother," he said with his usual enthusiasm. He was already looking forward to the possibility of a fight. I smacked his fist with my own.

Pessimistic as usual, Rosalie hissed. "No." "_That's not an option. I won't let you risk Emmett's life on your asinine plan._"

Bella agreed. "Absolutely not."

Jasper was appreciative, primarily due to the military precision with which I had thought out my counter plan. Jasper looked at a lot of things from that perspective. "Nice," he nodded.

"Idiots," Alice muttered. "_Edward, you are insane. By the way, your little plan doesn't change anything. See_?"

That sobered me. Her vision hadn't changed. In her mind, Bella was still very pale, hard as stone, her fiery-red eyes shining. Why wasn't it changing? Damn it! It _had_ to change!

Esme glared at me. "_Edward – please? Haven't I worried enough about you_?"

Bella composed herself, straightening up in her chair. "All right, then," she said, pretending to be nonchalant. I suppressed another grin. "Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider. Let's vote."

She turned to me first. "Do you want me to join your family?"

My eyes were hard, because I knew my response would hurt her. I tried to soften the blow. "Not that way. You're staying human." Of course I wanted her. I wanted this beautiful girl forever, with every fiber of my being. But not at this cost. Not if destroying her soul was the price I had to pay to keep her. It just wasn't an option.

Bella nodded once, her face unreadable. I didn't think she was surprised to my answer, but I couldn't tell. She moved on to my sister. I tensed, though I knew what Alice would say.

"Alice?"

"_Sorry, Edward. I know you don't agree. But I love her and I want her around. And I did promise. I can't go back on my word._"

"Yes," Alice replied, with a glance at me.

"Jasper?" Bella asked.

"_Edward, I have to go with Alice on this. I'm sorry._" He felt my anger, my anxiety, and he knew my reasons, but he chose to follow Alice's lead. I had known he would.

"Yes," Jasper said. Bella looked surprised for a second. I realized she didn't know that Jasper was with my family only for Alice. Wherever she went, he would follow.

"Rosalie?"

Rosalie bit down on her lip, hesitating. "_I hate this life_. _How can she want this?_"

"No," she answered. "_I wish I'd have had this choice. She's choosing wrong._"

Bella's face was calm; she was already moving on. For once, Rosalie put her usual egotism aside and considered Bella's feelings."Let me explain," Rosalie pleaded with Bella. "I don't mean that I have an aversion to you as a sister. It's just that... this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me."

Bella nodded slowly, and turned to Emmett. My brother didn't look at me, but I knew his answer. He wasn't bothered by the limitations of our existence, and he really liked Bella.

"Hell, yes!" he grinned, in his straight-forward way. "We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri."

Bella grimaced and looked at Esme.

"Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of the family." I had expected this, too. Esme was extremely pleased with my relationship with Bella. She loved Bella for loving me.

This was it. Bella turned to Carlisle.

"_Edward..._," he thought. "_There's no other practical solution. I'm sorry, my son._" He looked at me with concern.

No! I had been counting on Carlisle to refuse her, sure that his aversion to changing anyone who had another choice, would prevail. I'd been wrong before. _His_ was the vote that was going to count more than the others. A growl built in my chest before he even spoke.

"Edward," he said. "No," I growled, my lips instinctively curling back over my teeth. No. No. Damn it, no!

"It's the only way that makes sense," he insisted. "You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice."

No. NO! I let go of Bella's hand, and jumped up from my chair, marching into the living room. I was snarling under my breath, completely irritated at having failed with my _brilliant_ plan, and enraged with what I perceived to be a betrayal at Carlisle's hands. I was so furious I wasn't thinking straight. The vicious need to destroy _something_ was overwhelming.

"I guess you know my vote," I heard Carlisle tell Bella with a sigh.

"Thanks," she mumbled. I saw her staring after me in Carlisle's head.

Damn it, damn it, damn it all. I needed an outlet for the violent forces that were coursing through me. I ripped the brand-new flat screen off the wall and tore it in half. Emmett would be pissed. I didn't care. Destroying the damn thing didn't make me feel any better, though.

"Well, Alice," Bella said. "Where do you want to do this?"

"_She wants me to do this _now? _I can't..._" Alice was panicking. She'd never bit a human. I saw the picture in her head. Bella, white, lifeless, drained of blood. "_Edward, help me..._"

This was downright insanity. Bella had completely lost it. "No! _No_! NO!" I charged back into the dining room, roaring with outrage. "Are you _insane_?" I yelled in her face, my expression ferocious. "Have you utterly lost your mind?"

Bella cringed away from my fury.

"Um, Bella," Alice piped up, her anxiety evident in her voice. "I don't think I'm _ready_ for that. I'll need to prepare..."

"You promised," Bella glared at her. "I know, but … Seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how _not _to kill you."

"You can do it," Bella retorted, always so unconcerned with own safety. "I trust you."

I snarled furiously. Bella's trust was completely misplaced. I had_ seen _the vision in Alice's mind. She would kill her.

Alice shook her head, her thoughts wild. "_I can't, I can't..._"

Bella looked at my father. "Carlisle?"

Would the insanity _never_ end? I grabbed Bella's face by the jaw, and forced her to look at me, holding up my other hand at Carlisle in a feeble attempt to stop him from giving Bella what she wanted. He ignored me.

"I'm able to it," he answered her. "You would be in no danger of me losing control."

"Sounds good," Bella mumbled through my grip.

The vision in Alice's head instantly changed with this new decision. Bella was once more exquisite. And immortal.

Frantically, I thought of anything else I could do to prevent this from happening. "_Delay her_," shot through my mind. I went with that.

"Hold on," I said through my teeth. "It doesn't have to be now."

"There's no reason for it not to be now," Bella immediately retorted. Such reckless obstinacy. Ugh!

"_Delay_!" I thought again. "I can think of a few," I told her.

"Of course you can," she retorted, her voice sarcastic. "Now let go of me." I released her face, and folded my arms.

"In about three hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police." Ha! Let her argue with that!

"All three of them." Bella frowned. She was silent for a moment, looking deep in thought. I wished again that for just once I would be able to hear what she was thinking. What was she plotting now? What else would she come up with to reach her goal?

I pressed on with my point. "In the name of remaining _inconspicuous_, I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house." This would give me a few extra months during which I would work to get her to change her mind. "_Or come to terms with her choice_," said a small voice in the back of my mind. I ignored it.

This time, Carlisle backed me up. "That's a reasonable request, Bella," he told her.

She pursed her lips, and I was momentarily distracted at the sight of her puckered mouth. "I'll consider it."

Having gained her agreement, I was able to relax, and I unclenched my teeth. My fury slowly faded. "I should probably take you home," I said, thinking of the time. "Just in case Charlie wakes up early."

She looked at Carlisle. "After graduation?" she asked.

"You have my word," Carlisle replied. I choked back a sigh, grimacing.

"Okay," Bella said, and with a deep breath, turned back to me. "You can take me home."

I wanted to get Bella out of my house before she could gain any further concessions from anyone else, but thought sheepishly of the demolished TV in the front room, and decided to take her out the back door instead.

As we walked out the door, I could hear Emmett moving to the front room to turn on the TV. "_What the hell..._?

Time to start running. I would deal with the fallout from my earlier rage later. Emmett didn't really need the TV, did he? I was still upset enough to feel a little spiteful.

I secured Bella on my back again, and made the short trip to her house, all the while plotting my next steps. Bella was quiet while I ran.

Delaying her conversion had worked so far, and still seemed like a good idea. I wished that she would change her mind, but I wasn't very hopeful. Her stubbornness made that unlikely. What other incentives to wait could I give her?

I dashed up the front of her house, through the window, and put Bella on her bed. Charlie was still snoring in his room.

Pacing across her room, I considered my current dilemma. Alice's visions had been very consistent, always returning to an immortal future for Bella. Could I accept this future that Alice kept seeing? Could I allow Bella to risk her soul, fueled by my own selfish yearning to keep her forever, if that is what she truly wanted? What could motivate Bella to delay, to give herself time, to change her mind?

If I gave her something in return, perhaps. I could her ask if there was something else she truly wanted, something for which she would delay changing into a vampire. That might be worth a try. But what if she asked for something I wouldn't want to give her? Couldn't give her, for one reason or another? Risky, very risky. Then again, was there really something I _wouldn't_ want to give her? I couldn't think of anything.

Bella had been watching my pacing silently, suspicion more and more evident on her face. "Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work," she said.

"Shh," I told her. "I'm thinking."

"Ugh," she groaned and threw herself back on her bed, pulling the quilt over her face. I was having none of that, and flashed to her side, lying down beside her. I pulled the cover back and gazed into he eyes, brushing a lock of hair from her cheek. "If you don't mind, I'd much rather you didn't hide your face," I said with a smile. "I've lived without it for as long as I can stand." I had missed her terribly in the last seven months, and suddenly my desire to truly keep her forever overrode any other emotion. I would let Carlisle change her. But I still wanted her to wait.

She stared back at me, and I decided to go ahead. "Now... tell me something," I said.

"What?" she asked, still looking very suspicious.

"If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?" I asked her, watching her face carefully for any emotion that might give me any kind of hint as to what she was thinking.

"You," she answered, skepticism evident on her face.

But she _had_ me for as long as she wanted, so I shook my head quickly. "Something you don't already have."

She thought for a moment. "I would want … Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want _you _to change me."

I hadn't thought of that. I kept my face composed, my mind already running through the ramifications of her answer. Could I do that? I had drank her blood once, during my desperate attempt to save her last year, sucking out James' venom after he bit her. I had somewhere deep inside me found the strength to overcome the urgent, irrepressible need the taste had invoked, had been able to stop myself. So, yes – I was certain that I would be able to control myself again, especially considering the most recent change; the scent of her blood no longer made my throat burst into flames, having instead been reduced to a muted burn. If this was what she truly wanted – me changing her – how could I deny her?

Maybe it would buy me some time. I decided to take a gamble. "What would you be willing to trade for that?" I asked her.

Her answer was instant. "Anything."

I smiled a little at her answer, satisfied that I had discovered something I could use to achieve a delay. "Five years?"

Her face became a mixture of horror and chagrin. I could guess at a reason for either. "You said anything," I reminded her.

"Yes, but... you'll use the time to find a way out of it." She knew me well. "I have to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human – for me, at least. So, anything but _that_."

I frowned. Maybe I had asked for too much time. I made her another offer. "Three years?"

"No!" Her answer was quick and decisive.

"Isn't it worth anything to you at all?" I asked, wondering if I had been wrong about how much she wanted this, after all.

"Six months?"

Not likely. I rolled my eyes. She would have to do better than that. "Not good enough."

"One year, then," she relented. "That's my limit."

I tried again. "At least give me two."

"No way," she protested. "Nineteen, I'll do. But I'm not going anywhere _near_ twenty. If you're staying in your teens forever, then so am I."

It seemed like asking for time wasn't going to work. Hmm. What else, then?

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Alice's vision of Bella, in a long, white dress, walking towards me on her father's arm, floated in front of me. The instantaneous yearning to have _this_ vision come true was intense, overwhelming, all-encompassing. I loved her. I _wanted_ to marry Bella, wanted to secure her hand, have her belong to me forever. The feeling was so consuming, so overpowering, I no longer had a choice. I would give in. I would give her what she had asked for. Allowing Bella's change, risking her soul in the process, would be the most selfish act I would ever commit. I would have to live with that, but it would be easier to endure than living without her.

But would she want to marry me, too? Would she agree, if I promised to give her what she wanted in return? No time like the present to find out. I swallowed my fears and put my silent heart on the line.

"All right. Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one – then you'll just have to meet one condition," I told her.

"Condition?" Bella asked, her voice without inflection. "What condition?"

Watching her carefully, I spoke very slowly. "Marry me first."

She stared at me, seemingly frozen. I couldn't breathe. What would her answer be? "_Say yes, please say yes_," I chanted in my head.

"Okay. What's the punchline?" she finally said. I was instantly hurt. She thought I was joking?

I exhaled. "You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it's a joke."

"Edward, please be serious," she said. But I _was_. I had never been so serious about anything in my life – my entire existence. I wanted to _marry_ this beautiful girl, who had captured my heart so thoroughly.

"I'm one hundred percent serious," I replied, gazing into her eyes.

"Oh, c'mon," she said, her voice high. "I'm only eighteen."

"Well, I'm a hundred and ten. It's time I settled down," I retorted. Bella looked out the window, avoiding my eyes. "Look," she said. "Marriage isn't exactly that high on my list of priorities, you know? It was sort of the kiss of death for Renee and Charlie."

"Interesting choice of words," I mocked her. Kiss of death, indeed. Bite, more appropriate, for our situation.

"You know what I mean," Bella replied.

Did she truly think that marriage was a worse option than giving up her soul to become one of us? That marriage, something that people dissolved daily all over the world, required a larger commitment than an eternity as a vampire? I suppressed a snort, and took a deep breath instead. "Please don't tell me that you're afraid of the commitment," I said, bitingly.

"That's not it exactly," she dodged the question. "I'm... afraid of Renee. She has some really intense opinions on getting married before you're thirty."

I'd only Bella's mother once before, but I couldn't imagine she would prefer the other choice. "Because she'd rather you became one of the eternal damned than get married," I said with a mocking laugh. Was Bella serious?

"You think you're joking," she retorted.

I realized that I had stumbled, without meaning to, on the one condition that would slow Bella down. Delay her. As long as she didn't decide to run off to Carlisle, and I was pretty sure I'd be able to prevent that.

"Bella, if you compare the commitment between a marital union as opposed to bartering your sould in exchange for an eternity as a vampire..." I was shaking my head. "If you're not brave enough to marry me, then..."

"Well," she interrupted me. "What if I did? What if I told you to take me to Vegas now? Would I be a vampire in three days?"

I knew she was bluffing. "Sure," I said. "I'll get my car."

"Damn it," she muttered. "I'll give you eighteen month."

"No deal," I grinned at her. "I like _this _condition." And that was an understatement.

"Fine. I'll have Carlisle to it when I graduate."

"If that's what you really want," I shrugged, my smile huge.

"You're impossible," she groaned. "A monster."

I chuckled. "Is this why you won't marry me?" She groaned again in response.

I was shameless at this point, and tried persuasion. It had worked in the past. I leaned forward and stared deeply into the melted chocolate of her eyes, letting my breath fan across her face. "_Please_, Bella?" I whispered. Please, please, please say yes. Say you will marry me.

She shook her head quickly. I suddenly realized I had gone about my proposal in a very untraditional way. I didn't even have a ring for her. With me.

"Would this have gone better if I'd had time to get a ring?" I asked her, chagrined at this inexcusable oversight.

"No! No rings!" she almost shouted.

Across the hall, Charlie stirred, waking up. "Now you've done it," I said quietly. Bella understood instantly. "Oops."

"Charlie's getting up; I'd better leave," I said, resigned. I didn't want to leave. She hadn't accepted my proposal yet.

I could no longer hear Bella's heartbeat. Her face was horrified. I guessed the reason immediately. She didn't want me to leave, either. The idea terrified her.

I was terrified that her heart had stopped. "Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet, then?" I asked her.

Bella's heart restarted with a loud thump. I choked back a sigh of relief. "No," she whispered. "Stay. Please." I smiled at her, went into her closet, and settled in to watch.

It took a minute or so for Charlie to open Bella's door. "Morning, Dad."

"Oh, hey, Bella," he replied. "I didn't know you were awake."

"Yeah. I've just been waiting for you to wake up so I could take a shower." I was watching her through Charlie's eyes, so I saw her trying to get out of bed.

"_Not so fast._"

"Hold on," Charlie said. I heard him flip on the light. "Let's talk for a minute first."

Bella grimaced. I wished I could sit beside her and help her face Charlie's anger. Justified anger, of course, but it made me anxious that she had to do this alone. Like I wasn't protecting her. And then I silently laughed at myself. This was Bella's father. He loved her almost as much as I did. He wasn't going to hurt her. I was such an overprotective fool.

"You know you're in trouble," Charlie said.

"Yeah, I know."

"I just about went crazy these last three days. I come home from Harry's _funeral_, and you're gone. Jacob could only tell me that you'd run off with Alice Cullen, and that he thought you were in trouble. You didn't leave me a number, and you didn't call. I didn't know where you were or when – or if – you were coming back. Do you have any idea how... how...." Charlie was choking on the words. He had imagined all kinds of horrifying scenarios while Bella was gone.

Charlie sucked in a breath, and continued. "Can you give me one reason why I shouldn't ship you off to Jacksonville this second?"

Bella sat up, glaring at Charlie. "Because I won't go."

Charlie's face was turning red. I couldn't see it, but I could feel the heat radiating into the room. "Now just one minute, young lady..."

Bella interrupted him. "Look, Dad, I accept complete responsibility for my actions, and you have the right to ground me for as long as you want. I will also do all the chores and laundry and dishes until you think I've learned my lesson. And I guess you're within your rights if you want to kick me out, too – but that won't make me go to Florida."

Charlie's anger flared higher. He took a few deep breaths. "Would you like to explain where you've been?" I realized we had forgotten to ask Alice how to explain the Italy excursion, what with all the earlier mayhem. I should have remembered that, but I had been a little eager to get Bella out of my house at the time.  
"There was... an emergency." I supposed you could call it that. Bella took a deep breath, and exhaled with force. Charlie waited silently.

"See, Alice told Rosalie about me jumping off the cliff..."

Charlie's heart stopped and restarted. The heat had left his face instantly. I was sure he was white as a ghost. I took this reaction as an indication that he wasn't aware of Bella's little stunt on the cliffs at First Beach. She probably shouldn't have mentioned that to him.

"I guess I didn't tell you about that," Bella said, sounding like she was choking on the words. "It was nothing. Just messing around, swimming with Jake. Anyway, Rosalie told Edward, and he was upset." That was a somewhat inaccurate way of phrasing it. Upset wasn't quite the word I would have used to describe the insane grief, anguish and guilt I had been feeling.

"She sort of accidentally made it sound like I was trying to kill myself or something. He wouldn't answer his phone, so Alice dragged me to... L.A., to explain in person." Bella shrugged.

I was a little awed by how closely she was staying to the truth. Not that there was anything "accidental" about Rosalie's call.

Charlie was not moving. "_Were_ you trying to kill yourself, Bella?" He thought of her numbness, her disinterest in anything and everything during my absence, and the guilt at having caused this heartache rushed through me again.

"No, of course not," Bella assured him. "Just having fun with Jake. Cliff diving. The La Push kids do it all the time. Like I said, nothing."

Charlie's face was heating up again, the fury radiating from every pore. "What's it to Edward Cullen anyway," he barked at Bella. "All this time, he's just left you dangling without a word..." He was right, of course. I _had _done that. I felt ashamed at all the damage I had done.

Bella interrupted him. "Another misunderstanding." Not quite, but my silent heart swelled with gratitude at being forgiven by this wonderful girl.

Charlie was still angry. "So is he back then?" Yes, I was. And I wouldn't leave again. Ever.

"I'm not sure what the exact plan is. I _think_ they all are." My family had moved back to Forks in record time, and everything was the way it had been. Carlisle had already called the hospital and was starting back on Thursday. Everyone there had been very pleased that he was coming back. He'd told them some story about Esme not liking noisy, smoggy L.A., and that she's been missing the small town life. Alice and I were going to resume our classes from last year. We'd have to forge our transcripts, but that was already in the works. Jasper had a very good contact for these kinds of things in Seattle.

Charlie shook his head. I could hear the blood in his neck pulsing. "I want you to stay away from him, Bella. I don't trust him. He's rotten for you. I won't let him mess you up like that again."

"Fine," Bella said curtly.

_What_? What did she mean, fine? Was she agreeing with him? Stay away from me? But... All my dreams, all my hopes crumpled in front of me. Pain shot through my frozen heart, and I could already begin to feel the return of the hole in my chest.

"Oh," Charlie said, sounding surprised. "I thought you were going to be difficult."

"I am," Bella was staring right into his face. "I meant, 'Fine, I'll move out.'"

Oh. That's what she meant. The pain dissipated. It seemed I had overreacted just a bit – again.

"Dad, I don't _want_ to move out," Bella continued, her tone much softer. "I love you. I know you're worried, but you need to trust me on this. And you're going to have to ease up on Edward if you want me to stay. Do you want me to live here or not?"

"That's not fair, Bella," Charlie relented. "You know I want you to stay." For as long as I could drag out the time until her conversion. I silently sighed. Bella wouldn't be able to see Charlie again afterwards. Or any of her friends. How would she cope with that? Had she even considered it? I really didn't want her to spend her remaining time with him in discord. I didn't want her fighting with her father.

"Then be nice to Edward, because he's going to be where I am," Bella said, with confidence. My throat tightened at her words, and I was rejoicing. She loved me. She wanted me. And she knew I loved her, too. I would be by her side, no matter where she went.

"Not under my roof," Charlie shouted. It was probably a very good thing he didn't know I was in the closet, eavesdropping on this conversation. But I deserved his anger. I absolutely did. What I had done to Bella, and to Charlie by extension, was unforgivable, indefensible, and I was a very lucky man to have gained her forgiveness and retained her love.

Bella sighed. "Look, I'm not going to give you any more ultimatums tonight – or I guess it's this morning. Just think about it for a few days, okay? But keep in mind that Edward and I are sort of a package deal."

Charlie was not placated. "Bella..."

"Think it over," she insisted. "And while you're doing that, could you give me some privacy? I _really_ need a shower."

He wasn't happy, but he left, slamming her bedroom door and stomping down the stairs. I got out the closet and sat down in her rocking chair. Bella threw off her quilt.

"Sorry about that," she whispered.

"It's not as if I don't deserve far worse," I murmured. "Don't start anything with Charlie over me, please."

"Don't worry about it," she assured me. She was gathering up her bathroom supplies and looking for clean clothes. "I will start exactly as much as is necessary, and no more than that. Or are you trying to tell me I have nowhere to go?" Her eyes widened in false alarm, mocking me.

I was surprised. "You'd move in with a house full of vampires?"

"That's probably the safest place for someone like me. Besides...," she grinned at me. "If Charlie kicks me out, then there's no need for a graduation deadline, is there?"

My jaw tightened. "So eager for eternal damnation," I muttered. Though I would give her what she had asked for, I was still hoping for time. And she hadn't accepted my proposal. Yet.

"You know you don't really believe that," she said. I was stunned. What? Of course I believed that. That had been my main reason for not wanting to change her, for keeping her human. "Oh, I don't?" I retorted sarcastically. "No, you don't," she said, sounding absolutely convinced. I glowered at her. Perhaps she had lost her mind, after all. I was going to inform her of her error, but she cut me off.

"If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead. But you didn't – you said '_Amazing. Carlisle was right_'." Her voice was exultant. "There's hope in you, after all."

I was speechless. Stunned. I didn't know what to say. I _had_ said that when I had opened my eyes to see her in my arms, her beautiful face looking at me. When I'd thought I was dead. Did I _have_ hope? That I had another shot at heaven, after all? That my soul had not been lost in the searing pain of my transformation?

"So, let's both be hopeful, all right?" Bella said. "Not that it matters. If you stay, I don't need heaven."

Still dazed by her words, I slowly got out of the rocking chair, and walked over to her. I gently put my hands on both sides of her face and stared deeply into her eyes. It seemed I could see all the way to her ethereal soul. The love I felt for this incomparable girl, the only girl I would ever love, radiated through every pore in my stone body. "Forever,"I vowed. I would love her forever.

"That's all I'm asking for," Bella said. She stretched up on her toes, and pressed her lips to mine. I felt like the luckiest man alive.


	7. Epilogue: Warned

**Author's Note:** This is my take on Edward's version of the some of the events that take place in Stephenie Meyer's _New Moon._ It is a retelling of large portions of the book, albeit from Edward's POV. Due to this, all dialogue and conversations from New Moon for which Edward and Bella are present together, have been faithfully incorporated exactly the way they appear in Stephenie Meyer's brilliant work of fiction. Please see my disclaimer below. 

This 7th Chapter, the epilogue, is called "Warned". It is the final chapter in this story. I managed to keep it shorter than the last two, but I still had a lot of ground to cover. The epilogue wraps up the story, in a way, but it also contains the confrontation with Jacob Black. Edward is not happy with the close relationship Bella developed with Jacob, and Edward's jealousy at their closeness colors some of his actions (or so I imagined). He realizes, of course, that he can't fault either one of them, because his own actions, his leaving Bella for so long, are the cause of the friendship. Needless to say, his distrust and hate for the wolves isn't helping his clarity of thought. Some of the information in this chapter is based on events that, in the Twilight Series, don't happen until "Eclipse" or even "Breaking Dawn", but again, since this is Edward telling the story of "New Moon", he knows more, much more, than he tells Bella, so I chose to incorporate this information when I felt it was necessary to explain an emotion, or a specific point or course of action.

As before, this last chapter is still based as closely as possible (I hope) on emotions, scenes and information gleaned from Stephenie's novels, her official website, and other information readily available on many websites dedicated to the Twilight series.

**Disclaimer:** Please, let's all be very clear on this: **This story is simply fan fiction. All rights to the Twilight series, the books, the characters, and anything related to Twilight, are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.** I have nothing but the utmost respect for this undeniably brilliant writer, whose amazing stories have completely and irrevocably sucked me into the Twilight Universe. I cannot even _hope_ to come anywhere _near_ her incomparable talent for story writing. Stephenie - on the off-chance that you are reading this - THANK YOU!!! Thank you for creating these books; books that have captured my heart and revived the teenager in me.

Thank you, everyone, for your interest in my ramblings. For those of you, who have marked me as one of their favorite authors, please don't despair. I am already deeply immersed in "Eclipse" and "Breaking Dawn", and am looking forward to writing portions of these books, again from Edward's POV. There still seems to be a lot to tell. I am, however, not going anywhere near "Twilight". I still have hope, perhaps irrationally, that Stephenie, some day, will finish "Midnight Sun". I look forward to that day.

Feedback is welcome and appreciated, whether it be positive or negative. Thanks again.

**7. ****Epilogue - Warned**

Life was good again. Well, as good as it could get, I supposed. I was still dealing with the repercussions of my inexcusable actions. For one, Charlie had put Bella on house arrest. He wasn't speaking to me, still very angry, but to appease Bella, he'd relented on his previous injunction. I was allowed back into the house, but only during designated, rigidly observed, visiting hours. I was only permitted to see her after school, and he gleefully kicked me out every night at nine-thirty. Of course, as soon as he had gone to bed, I was back in her room, spending the night holding her, watching her sleep. I was very grateful for my second chance, and was careful not to upset him further. Of course, I also saw Bella every day at school. She had started working at Newton's outdoor equipment store the previous summer, and her work schedule often reduced my time with her in the afternoons. Mike Newton still irritated me, his immature thoughts often about Bella, but he had kept a cautious distance before and after our return, trying his best to be nothing but friendly, at least on the surface. I usually tuned out the more ridiculous travels of his mind, refusing to let him get to me.

Certainly, I frequently wrestled with my decision to give in to Bella's wish, questioning my motives, and hating myself for my selfish desire to keep Bella forever, and therefore, in all likelihood, dooming her soul. I told myself that it wasn't my choice anymore, that Bella had found a way to get what she wanted, with or without me. It didn't help much.

Alice and I had resumed our class schedule from the previous fall. The forged transcripts Jasper had obtained for us, for a school in L.A we'd obviously never gone to, had been accepted at Forks high school without question. Graduation was only a couple of months away.

Bella still hadn't accepted my proposal. I couldn't be sure why. Was it due to the untraditional way in which I had asked her to marry me? Was she deterred by thinking that it was just a scheme on my end, to get her to wait? Would she choose the other option, the commitment she had obtained from Carlisle, and give up on her desire to have me be the one to change her? There was a persistent, nagging voice in the back of my head, constantly taunting me. "_Why doesn't she want to marry you? Perhaps she is more ardent for immortality than she is for you?_" It wouldn't shut up, and drove me to the edge of madness. The idea didn't mesh at all with Bella's personality, and the love she had confessed for me, quite adamantly, I might add, but I couldn't get the voice out of my head.

College was currently at the forefront of my mind. Bella hadn't applied to any colleges yet. This was of course due to my foolish choice of leaving her, causing her so much pain and anguish she had lost interest in everything. Gone numb from the pain of living without me. I would never forgive myself for what I had done, though, fortunately, and still somewhat inexplicably, Bella had accepted my apology.

Bella and I spent most of our official visiting hours filling out applications for college. I really didn't care where we'd end up going, as long as we would be together. Obviously, I was very enthusiastic about this particular activity, still hoping fervently my marriage offer, and her wish for me to initiate her conversion, would sway Bella from running off to Carlisle after graduation. I thought she should go to college. It was a human experience she should be able to have.

I didn't want to pressure her further, but I still wanted to marry Bella more than I wanted anything else. Everything else was less important, and Alice's vision was always on my mind. So far, I had settled on simply waiting for her decision. Time was my friend.

Naturally, Alice had seen my proposal to Bella, and had spent hours on the Internet trying to find the perfect wedding dress. I hadn't said anything, not wanting her to mention it to Bella. Alice had finally found what she'd been looking for, and put in an order with some new designer she had discovered during her hours of searching. From that point on, she had been very careful not to think about the dress when I was around. I had laughed at the more outrageously intricate things she had been thinking of in those moments, just to keep me out of her head. I didn't really spend that much time at home anymore, anyway, but she was determined to keep me from seeing the dress in her mind. I drew a lot of hope from her actions. If Alice was so convinced this wedding would happen at some point in the future, that she had actually already ordered a dress, then that gave me a very good chance at gaining Bella's acceptance of my proposal. I was willing to wait for that. The longer Bella took to think about my offer, the more time it would buy me. Time she would spend human. Experiences she would have while human. I would wait.

Initially, after our return from Italy, I didn't hunt at all, though as the days passed, my thirst became almost unbearable. I knew that the thought of my leaving her, even if it was only for a few hours, was terrifying to Bella, and so I stayed with her and denied myself. I suffered the thirst gladly, because it was no more than I deserved. The burn in my throat became more pronounced, the longer I waited, but I was able to fight it off. The new level of control I had found was still firmly in place. My reactions had changed. Whereas before her exceptional scent would have my mouth swimming with venom whenever it had been a while since I'd hunted, it now barely flowed when I was with her, even though the thirst became more evident with every passing day. Though I tried to hide it from Bella, she knew what the blackness of my eyes meant. Drawing on a courage I couldn't even begin to fathom, Bella insisted that I leave to hunt. I complied, starting out by staying close to Forks, stalking and drinking from the less appealing deer and elk in the forests around town, while she was at work. On occasion, I would get lucky and find a small bear, but that didn't happen often. I couldn't bring myself to leave Bella for longer than a few hours, and refused whenever Emmett and Jasper asked me to go on one of their hunting trips. Eventually, Bella began kicking me out every time she heard they were planning a trip, and insisted I go with them. Her bravery astonished me. Not for the first time, I was in awe of her selflessness.

So far, there had been no more trouble from Victoria, and we hadn't been able to find her scent anywhere in our territory, but I was sure she hadn't given up. It was only a matter of time. She'd be back, and then she would die.

There was one other consequence that had resulted out of my long absence – Bella's friendship with Jacob Black. He'd become her lifeline during that time, and though it went against everything I believed in, I couldn't fault Bella for missing him. She wasn't allowed to go down to La Push, due to her being grounded, and for that I was thankful to Charlie. Jacob Black also hadn't made an attempt to contact Bella, and didn't answer any of her phone calls. He knew that we had returned, and kept his distance, avoiding the vampires he hated like we avoided the werewolves we despised. I was glad for this, too, though I knew it hurt Bella's feelings. It grieved me to see her hurting like this, but the wolves were our natural enemies, and the danger their often involuntary changes from man to wolf posed to Bella was too high. I couldn't with good conscience allow this relationship to continue. Bella didn't talk about Jacob much, because she had guessed at how I felt about their friendship. I hadn't been able to completely hide the distaste on my face every time she mentioned him. I was also a little jealous – perhaps needlessly – but it irked me that he meant so much to her. I was angry with myself for having made their close relationship necessary, and the grudging gratitude I felt for him for saving Bella's life, more than just once, wasn't helping the matter.

Sometimes, Bella's hurt and anger at Jacob's rejection came to the surface. It was a Saturday afternoon, and I was picking her up from work. She was furious when she got in the car. "It's just plain rude!" she fumed. "Downright insulting!" At first, I thought it had something to do with Mike Newton. Had he made a pass at her? Had he tried something he shouldn't have? I would rip his head off if that was the case.

"Billy said he didn't _want _to talk to me," Bella continued. Oh – she had called Jacob's house from the Newton's store. She continued her rant.

"That he was there, and wouldn't even walk three steps to get to the phone! Usually Billy just says he's out or busy or sleeping or something. I mean, it's not like I didn't know he was lying to me, but at least it was a polite way to handle it. I guess Billy hates me now, too. It's not fair!"

I could have gladly punched Jacob at this point, for making Bella so miserable, but she probably wouldn't like that much, so I pushed my fury back down. Instead, I tried to reassure her. "It's not you, Bella," I said. "Nobody hates you."

"Feels that way," she muttered, still angry and folded her arms.

"Jacob knows we're back, and I'm sure that he's ascertained I'm with you," I explained. "He won't come anywhere near me. The enmity is rooted too deeply."

"That's stupid. He knows you're not... like other vampires," Bella rejected my explanation.

"There's still good reason to keep a safe distance," I replied. She was quiet, staring out the windshield.

How to make her understand? The wolves had very little control over their transformations, and if we ever met up with them, even by chance, it would likely end in a fight. I didn't think Bella would appreciate a confrontation during which her friends could get hurt, or killed.

"Bella, we are what we are," I said truthfully. "I can control myself, but I doubt he can. He's very young. It would most likely turn into a fight, and I don't know if I could stop it before I k - " I broke off, before I would say the word. "Before I hurt him. You would be unhappy. I don't want that to happen." I stopped at a red light. Bella turned her head towards me. She was staring at me in horror. "Edward Cullen," she whispered. "were you about to say '_killed_ him'? Were you?"

Major mistake. I should have stopped myself sooner. I turned my face away from her. The light turned green, and I slowly pressed my foot on the gas pedal. "I would try... very hard... not to do that," I told her, still truthful, but ashamed at myself for having upset her.

"Well," Bella said, shaking her head and inhaling deeply. "Nothing like that is ever going to happen, so there's no reason to worry about it. And you know Charlie's staring at the clock right now. You'd better get me home before I get in more trouble for being late." I was about to turn my head to assure her we were almost there, but I could already hear Charlie thinking about how he could prevent her from ever leaving the house again. He was so outraged, he was actually thinking of wringing Bella's neck. I didn't really blame him for feeling that way, considering how unsafe the motorcycle was for Bella, but his fury meant that he knew she'd been riding it. And that really left only one person who could have caused this latest disaster. Jacob Black. "You're already in more trouble, Bella," I whispered.

Bella clutched my arm, her voice panicking. "What? What is it?"

I could hear Jacob, too, from where he was waiting, up the path on the other side of the house. Best not to mention that yet. I forced myself to stay calm, for her sake. I took a deep breath. "Charlie," I began. "My dad?" Bella shrieked.

I looked at her, making my face smooth to assure her, before I continued. "Charlie... is probably _not_ going to kill you, but he's thinking about it." I drove past the house towards the tree line and put the car in park. "What did I do?" Bella asked, frantic.

I glanced over my shoulder at the motorcycle in the driveway. Bella turned her head to see what I was looking at. It didn't take her long to figure it out. "No!" she gasped. "_Why_? Why would Jacob do this to me?"

Why, indeed. I had a fairly good idea but no confirmation yet. Jacob wasn't thinking of it, only hate and violent jealousy for me, and my family, in his head, cursing and shouting blasphemous language in the direction of my car. I couldn't hate the dog, though. He loved Bella, too, in his own way. And I still owed him my gratitude for keeping her safe during the time I was... gone. Grudgingly, but I did. No doubt about it.

"Is he still here?" Bella hissed through her teeth, her fury very evident on her face.

"Yes. He's waiting for us there." I nodded towards the path at the edge of the forest. Bella jumped out of the car, starting towards the trees. Before she could take but two steps, I had my arm around her waist to pull her back. Bella's anger was not so easily contained. "Let me go," she screamed towards the forest. "I'm going to murder him! _Traitor_!"

"Charlie will hear you," I reminded her. "And once he gets you inside, he might brick over the doorway." He _had _already considered it.

Bella glanced back at the house, and the motorcycle. "Just give me one round with Jacob, and then I'll deal with Charlie," she demanded, struggling against my grip on her. I wasn't about to let that happen. She wasn't going near her friend. Besides, the only reason the Judas dog was waiting by the trees, was for me.

"Jacob Black wants to see _me_. That's why he's still here," I said. Bella stopped struggling. "Talk?" she asked. Mostly, yes. There was something he had been sent to say. Something I didn't want Bella to hear, because she didn't know the extent of the treaty. The distinction the pack wanted to remind us of would bode for serious consequences, and Bella didn't need the extra worry it would cause her.

"More or less," I replied. Her voice was anxious. "How much more?"

I gently pushed her hair out of her face. "Don't worry, he's not here to fight me. He's acting as... spokesperson for the pack."

"Oh," she exhaled.

I could still hear Charlie fuming in the living room, and threw a glance towards the house. He was looking at the clock, wondering where we were. It was past the usual time Bella got home from work. I had to make this quick. "We should hurry," I said as I pulled her forward towards the trees. "Charlie is getting impatient."

Jacob Black was leaning against a tree, his face hard when he looked at Bella, sneering at me. "_Filthy, reeking bloodsucker._"

I stopped as soon as Bella was able to see him, not wanting to put her any closer to him. He was not fully under control, the tremors rolling off his arms, and coming towards us in waves. I could feel them on my skin. His hands were balled into fists; he was trying to prevent shifting into his other self. I could see that he didn't want to hurt Bella, but I wasn't taking chances with her safety. I shifted her behind me to block her in case the dog lost it. She leaned around me and stared at him accusingly. He didn't look away from me, his eyes full with jealousy and hatred. "Bella," he nodded towards her, his voice cold.

"_Why_," she whispered, her voice breaking. "How could you do this to me?"

The sound of pain in her voice upset him and the sneer left his face. "It's for the best," he answered, his eyes still cold.

"What is _that_ supposed to mean? Do you want Charlie to _strangle_ me? Or did you want him to have a heart attack, like Harry? No matter how mad you are at me, how could you do this to _him_?"

Jacob winced when Bella mentioned Harry Clearwater, but he didn't answer her. I answered for him, wanting Bella to hear why the dog had betrayed her. "He didn't want to hurt anyone – he just wanted to get you grounded, so that you wouldn't be allowed to spend time with me," I murmured to her.

"_Shut up, shut up_!_ Get out of my head, stupid bloodsucker_!" Jacob glowered, furious at my invasion of his thoughts.

"Aw, Jake," Bella groaned in response. "I'm _already_ grounded! Why do you think I haven't been down to La Push to kick your butt for avoiding my phone calls?"

"_But I thought the leech..._" Jacob's eyes flickered back to Bella, his face showing the confusion he suddenly felt. "That's why?" he asked her. He was immediately sorry he'd said anything.

"He thought _I _wouldn't let you, not Charlie," I again told Bella what the mongrel wouldn't.

"Stop that," he snapped at me.

Sorry, dog. Bella needed to know, and I wasn't going to keep it from her. And, I was jealous, too. It was an irrational feeling, but I couldn't suppress it.

Jacob shivered once, and gritted his teeth. "S_hould've known the bloodsucker would mess with my head._"

"Bella wasn't exaggerating about your... abilities," he spit through his teeth. "So you must already know why I'm here."

I did. But before I could let him get to that point, there was something I did owe him, something I had to tell him, though I hated having to do that as much as he hated me.

"Yes," I said, keeping my voice soft. "But, before you begin, I need to say something."

He waited silently, still struggling to control the shivers that indicated that he wasn't fully in control of himself. The waves of the tremors rolled off him.

"Thank you," I said, my voice pulsating with the sincerity of my feelings, trying to convey my gratitude for what he had done for the girl I loved. "I will never be able to tell you how grateful I am. I will owe you for the rest of my... existence."

"_What d'ya mean_?" Jacob's confusion was evident. He glanced at Bella, but her face was just as confused. I needed to make myself clearer.

"For keeping Bella alive," I clarified, my voice rough with the onslaught of the emotions that were flooding through me. "When I...didn't."

"_Oh_!" Jacob understood, but the hard face instantly reappeared. "_Whatever, bloodsucker_."

"I didn't do it for your benefit," he muttered.

I was aware of that, but it didn't change anything. "I know. But that doesn't erase the gratitude I feel. I thought you should know. If there's ever anything in my power to do for you..."

"_Leave, why don't you...?_" Jacob raised his brow.

Nice try, mongrel. "That's not in my power," I replied to his unspoken request.

"Whose, then?" he growled.

I gazed down at Bella and caught her eye. "Hers," I said. I loved her more than my own life, and I would never voluntarily leave her again. "I'm a quick learner, Jacob Black, and I don't make the same mistake twice. I'm here until she orders me away."

"Never," Bella whispered, staring into my eyes, and the love shining out of hers took my breath away.

"_Ugh, ugh – enough already. It's sickening. I hate his guts._" Jacob pretended to gag.

Bella heard it, and frowned at Jacob. "Was there something else you needed, Jacob? You wanted me in trouble – mission accomplished. Charlie might just send me to military school. But that won't keep me away from Edward. There's nothing that can do _that_. What more do you want?"

"I just needed to remind your bloodsucking friends of a few key points in the treaty they agreed to. The treaty that is the only thing stopping me from ripping his throat out right this minute."

I knew what key point he meant, and it was of great concern to us. I had already discussed it with Carlisle and the rest of my family. We took the treaty seriously, and didn't like having to go back on our word. But we would, and it probably would mean we'd have to leave. We didn't think that the wolves would follow us across the country, but we'd never be able to come back to this region again. Ever.

"We haven't forgotten," I told him.

"What key points?" Bella asked simultaneously, as quick on the take as always. She missed nothing. Ugh! I had really not wanted for her to find out about this yet, but Jacob was adamant in making his point. He was glowering at me, his hate and jealous resentment sparking out of his eyes.

"The treaty is quite specific. If any of them bite a human, the truce is over. _Bite_, not kill."

Bella immediately understood the distinction. Thanks a lot, mongrel. I really had not wanted this over her head. It would worry her, and she had enough worries as it was. Charlie being one of them. He had started to pace the living room floor, glancing at the clock every few seconds. He'd be coming out to look for us, soon.

"That's none of your business," she snapped at Jacob.

"The hell it..." he managed to say before his voice failed him. "S_he serious? She's gonna let these filthy leeches turn her into one of them? NO! I will kill him. I will kill them all._" Jacob Black was losing control. His body was convulsing, and he was no longer thinking straight. All I could hear were pieces of words that didn't make much sense. The tremors became more pronounced and he was fighting them, pressing his fists against his temples, trying to control the spasms that would set him off. Nausea reached his consciousness. He felt sick at the thought of Bella becoming one of us. I couldn't blame him; I would probably feel that way, too, if our positions had been reversed, but I needed to get Bella away from him before he exploded into a wolf.

"Jake? You okay?" Bella asked anxiously. She started to move towards him, but I yanked her back behind me. "Careful! He's not under control," I cautioned her.

Jacob had managed to push back the tremors, and scowled at me. "Ugh. _I _would never hurt her."

That remark stung. I didn't need his reminder. I would never forget how much I had hurt Bella, with my foolish assumptions and irrational actions. My breath escaped in a hiss.

I almost missed Charlie stepping out onto the porch. He'd seen my car when he looked out of the window. He was extremely irate. "BELLA! YOU GET IN THIS HOUSE THIS INSTANT." We were too far up the path for him to see us, but he guessed we had to be somewhere within shouting distance.

There was a beat of silence, and then Bella recovered. "Crap."

Upon hearing Charlie's rage, Jacob's mind was instantly filled with regret. The hate left his face and he looked at Bella. "I _am_ sorry about that," he mumbled. "I had to do what I could – I had to try."

"Thanks," Bella said, sarcastically, but her voice was trembling. Worried about Charlie, I guessed. She was staring down the path towards the house.

There was something else I needed to know. "Just one more thing," I said to Bella, and then turned to Jacob. "We've found no trace of Victoria on our side of the line – have you?"

I heard this answer before he said it out loud, but he spoke for Bella's benefit. "The last time was while Bella was... away. We let her think she was slipping through – we were tightening the circle, getting ready to ambush her – but then she took off like a bat out of hell. Near as we can tell, she caught your little female's scent and bailed. She hasn't come near our lands since."

I nodded. "When she comes back, she's not your problem anymore. We'll..."

"She killed on our turf," Jacob interrupted me with a hiss. "She's ours!"

"No..." Bella injected, but before she continued, Charlie was yelling again.

"BELLA! I _SEE_ HIS CAR AND I _KNOW_ YOU'RE OUT THERE! IF YOU AREN'T _INSIDE_ THIS HOUSE IN ONE _MINUTE..._!" Charlie broke off his threat, knowing that he had been clear enough.

"Let's go," I told Bella, and started to pull her towards the house. She half-turned back to Jacob, and I could see the torn look on her face through his eyes. Jacob was dealing with his own pain, thinking of the promise he had made her. "Sorry," he whispered so low, that I wasn't sure Bella would be able to hear it. "Bye, Bells."

"You promised," Bella said, desperation in her voice. "Still friends, right?"

"_I can't. Not if you are with the filthy bloodsuckers..._" Jacob shook his head, but edited his words "You know how hard I've tried to keep that promise, but... I can't see how to keep trying. Not now..." I understood how he felt, and I almost felt sorry for him. I had experienced the same kind of anguish, when I'd thought I could leave her. I didn't like having to cause him pain, but there was no way I would allow Bella to be near him without me. The treaty forbid me from crossing into their land, and I wasn't about to let her go to La Push alone.

"Miss you," Jacob whispered, reaching his hand out to her, too far away to touch her. His face was contorted with pain.

"Me, too," Bella choked out, and extended her hand towards him. "Jake..." She took step forward, and my arms tightened around her waist, restraining her.

I was jealous. I was insanely jealous of this stinking dog, whom Bella loved. Not more than she loved me, but she loved him nonetheless. My entire face went cold, hard with the internal burn of the jealousy. I couldn't blame either one for how they felt towards each other, having caused this friendship with my long absence, but the green-eyed monster was eating me alive. And my ingrained distaste for the wolf wasn't helping me think clearly.

"It's okay," Bella whispered to me. No, it certainly wasn't okay. "No, it's not," I replied, my voice as cold as my face.

Jacob had watched our exchange. "Let her go," he snarled at me, furious again. "She _wants _to." He took two hasty strides towards us, and that was just too close. I pushed Bella behind me to protect her, and spun around to face him.

"No, Edward," Bella cried. Charlie's roar prevented the fight that would have surely ensued.

"ISABELLA _SWAN_!"

"Come on, Charlie's mad," Bella tugged on my arm. "Hurry!" I relaxed at her touch. I pulled her towards the house slowly, all the while keeping my eyes on the dog. If he made one wrong move, he'd pay the price for his folly. He kept watching us, scowling at me, while we retreated towards the safety of the house. Then he turned away, and was gone.

I refocused my attention on Charlie. He was very angry with Bella, and I needed to help her face him, trying to do what I could to defuse his rage. We got out of the tree line, and Bella saw her father's face, on the verge of apoplexy, and shivered in my arm. I gently squeezed her waist in encouragement. "I'm here," I whispered. Bella took a deep breath.

I _was_ here, with her, and for as long as she wanted me, that's where I would be. The love I felt for Bella would never fade, and though I still had my reservations about her choice to become one of us, I was looking forward to forever – with her by my side.

**A/N: The song "What I've done" by Linkin Park was playing in my mind, in my house and in my car throughout the experience of writing this fanfiction. It will always represent Edward in New Moon to me. Lyrics below.**

**"In this farewell, there's no blood, there's no alibi**

**'cause I've drawn regret from the truth of a thousand lies**

**so let mercy come and wash away**

**what I've done**

**I face myself to cross out what I've become **

**erase myself and let go of what I've done**

**put to rest what you thought of me**

**while I clean the slate with the hands of uncertainty**

**so let mercy come and wash away **

**what I've done**

**I face myself to cross out what I've become**

**erase myself and let go of what I've done**

**For what I've done**

**I start again**

**and whatever pain may come**

**today this ends**

**I'm forgiving what I've done"**


End file.
